12/25 12:35pm 7.6 20 3/4

christmas day my life turned upside down, it was like a test you could never be prepared for, where you learned the lesson after, and i became something i never thought i could. never wanted to. i knew i would always do it backward, which is sad when you think about it, because no one wishes for this order though it happens all the time. i tried so hard to put aside all the cliches and catch phrases and movie quotes and used the word perfect more times then anyone should and 2 weeks and 2 days later i am celebrating each day that passes. no recognition for what i have endured, but people come from all around, because they love me more now, though i hardly matter at all now, and everyone says, ‘wow, you did such a great job’. i almost had to laugh and say i had nothing to do with this, i was just irresponsible and chemically altered, but thank you, i did do great, didn’t i? the jokes flow and speculation rears it’s ugly head, as we pick out body parts we can claim as our own. we stare too much and listen too much and think too little, accepting the compliments and the ‘i can’t believes..’ from the people who know me the best. and they come from all around, some even for the first time, and they get out their baby voices and their wallets and treat us as though we were the first ones to ever accomplish such a task before. and all i can wonder is when i will go back to normal, as i tuck my skin in to my waist band, as i cry from starring in to deep blue eyes that are finally able to see mine. i never could have understood it before, no matter how hard i would have tried.. it wasn’t until christmas day that my heart lived on the outside.

and no, i never would have guessed either.