why?

because i cant write in my journal because it is hidden in my room and thats where he chooses to be mad at me today.

because i spent way too much time today reading old journal entries that belong to someone else ;i was just trying to find a little piece of myself.

because im not always the one over reacting.

because he said im fucking wierd like that hadnt been established centuries ago. as if that would hurt my feelings.

because my back hurts again and not all the vicodin in the world can help it, although im about willing to try.

because im sick of smoking resin.

because im so exhausted with this situation and hes the most stubborn man i have ever known.

because the furnace is broken and im sick of freezing.

because today i realized how far from comfort i am. about an hour drive, to be exact.

because i miss my best friend and my mother.

because even though i hide it well, im such a fucking mess.

because i hate the way he says he is ‘stepping out’ and it pisses me off because he said he had wanted to spend time with me, and wonders why he gets that look and that shrug that i save speicifically for this situation.

because i have a look and a shrug for this situation.

because its always my fault.

because i have wanted to scream for such a long time and i rarely drive on the highway anymore.

because i need a back road.

because im sick of the empty, stupid threats.

because im sick of being ignored at work and treated like a piece of shit.

because im sick of dreading everyday that isnt friday or sunday.

because i am better then this.
 

because i do sometimes get sick of sitting by myself waiting for the time to come for me to pick him up.

because i need to cry.

because i cant.

because i spend way too much time with people that i dont like, and some of the time its just because i want someone to talk to.

because sometimes i wonder if you can truely love where you are at if you hate how you got there.

because i never do anything about it.