the move.

i drink now because i can,
and i convince myself that it is
just a substitute for such and such
and it is a much better crutch,
not addicting because
in reality i hate it.

and i make decisions now
because i can,
because i used to find myself alone
now i find myself with one man
who with one smile can make me whole
and one word that can make me crazy,
and while i have been pretending
to look at the future,
i can’t see past tomorrow
but you need your reassurance
and i always tell you forever.

i dont know what it is
that i always feel that something is missing,
like there is always a void in
who i am
and who i will be
and i try to ignore my dreams
but i cant help but wonder
if thats what bothers me.
my subconcious only comes
when i sleep at night
and when i wake up
nothing quite feels right.

but then the moments come
where all feels right in place
and im starring at you
while you look me in the face
and sometimes i feel next week
and sometimes i feel my life
and sometimes i think i’d have your baby
maybe even be your wife.

but one hundred percent perfect
never was my style
while i bitch and yell and scream and cry
im smiling all the while.
and the butterfiles are still there,
sometimes even fireworks,
while we are not a fairy tale
we are still something that works.

and i am okay with that.