slim chance.

the other day when i was driving down the road, i saw this church sign that said something along the lines of ‘not believing in jesus gives you no hope for death’.
no hope for death? what kind of chance comes after death? well, i suppose if you are a religious person, heaven is after death.

but the first thing that came to my mind is there aren’t any second chances. not really. not ever. if you do, by the grace of whatever, get a second chance at something you really want, it is tainted by the first chance. by what you messed up, what went wrong, who was there, the thoughts, the memories. for every action, there is some sort of reaction that changes everything to come.

mine usually appear inthe form of lingering feelings, ones that no matter how much you want to be rid of them, they follow you around like a shadow and impress upon every mood, every decision. every day.
right now i believe you just get one chance. you get one chance to go to school, one chance to have your heartbroken (or not), one chance to make all the decisions. and when it gets fucked up, it leaves a permenant scar that forever changes your feelings about it. that change it from what it originally was, or originally ment, or originally could be, to something different. maybe only slightly, but different.

i believe that there really arent second chances.

 the first chance is what defines us.