5/1/07

she told me maybe i was being too picky
and i tried hard not to laugh
as if she fell for the first nice guy
who told her he loved her,
as if nice should make me happy,
as if that is all i deserved.

so she tells me i’m lucky
because there aren’t a lot of nice ones left,
that i should feel special,
be happy,
wait it out,
see what happens.

the only thing i can agree with
is that he’s a nice guy,
a good friend,
comfortable, quiet,
undemanding.

but all i really hear
is that i should be setteling for
what everyone else thinks i
should want,
should keep.
that my life should
be complete although
i still feel so incomplete,
so indifferent.

and the truth is
i care about myself enough
to not lower my expectations
of happiness,
of life.
that i refuse to settle for anything less
than undoubtable happiness.