i’ll always be a w/w in my heart.

i stood looking out the picture windows knowing that sunset was for me. i dont think i will ever forget the way the sky looked on my final night there. i had come to hate it so much, as i seem to do with every place i start out loving. i started thinking about all the things that place had helped me get, accomplish, find, think, dream. and eventually all the things i came to hate. but my apartment, my friends, my boyfriend, the discipline, the lessons, the people.
a job is never just a job when it consumes 95% of your life.
i wanted so badly to get out, to move on, to laugh in the faces of the people who have made me cringe, cry, yell, scream in the past 10 months. i wanted to tell them that they made me leave, they made me hate my job. but as they stood there wishing me good luck and hugging me goodbye and saying they hope i will be back, i couldnt help but feel like a small helpless child. all along i just wanted to tell them that i am a god damn adult. i am not their child, but their employee. i am not their bitch, i am their server. they told me i had all the potential in the world. that i had come so far.
god, i have come so far.
and i never could have done it without the badge, and secruity, and the transit, the airport, the talks in the office, the crying in the stairwell. the late nights and the early mornings. the remodel and the clean up. i was there to see it all change, but never realized i was changing too.
so today i start the job in the upscale hotel. today i put on the hunderd precent polyester shirt, the nipple-high pants, i leave my sarcasm at home, and i begin waiting on the small percentage of the world who can afford to pay $5.50 for a domestic bottle.
what i wanted so badly to be over is now. and i should feel so much more relieved than i do. but i will be leaving a part of me on airside at the pittsburgh international airport.
but, it’s always friday to me.