my sun

i dont know how to define
a relationship quite like ours
that has been tossed and turned
through an outrageous life.
there are so many things i had wished for
and i know that you wished for me,
for us,
but i dont think you or i
ever expected to
come so far.
when i was a child
you were the center of my universe,
my sun,
my moon,
christ-like,
beautiful.
you gave me everything i needed,
everything i had wanted,
everything that you had never
had yourself.
when things got rough
we stood together.

later on,
we started standing farther apart
because i needed to find find myself,
create myself in my teen years.
you warned me about things,
about life,
how it works and certainly,
how it does not.
you knew me,
because you knew you.
at the time i didn’t want to hear it,
a word of it,
about how you knew what i was going through,
how you’d been there once before
too.
looking back now
through all the mistakes i made,
you never really told me not to
because you knew i was going to anyway.
even when i deserved it,
i never got an i-told-you-so,
or an i’m-dissapointed-in-you,
or a should-have-listened-to-me.
i never thought that things would
come together for us
that one day you would be the
center of my universe again,
my sun.
i thought we’d grow farther with distance,
stubborness,
resentment for the way things were,
how they turned out.
but you knew all along,
didn’t you,
that one day the world
would be restored to it’s natural order,
and you would once again be
everything to me,
like when i was young.
there’s so many things in my life
that i hadn’t expected to
turn out quite like they have.
some make me very happy,
while others keep me awake at night.
but the one thing that most suprises me
is what i see
when i glance in a mirror
and i see you smiling back at me.
when for so long i thought i was running
from something i was afraid
to be,
i realized
that there has always been
a large part of you
in me.
and i can take on
anything.