where i stand lying down

i’ve always had the best intentions, i try to explain to everyone.  i didnt mean to come out this way, or that way, didnt mean to say what i said, or i meant to say what i didn’t. i apoligize for being angry, or sad, or annoyed, or quiet. im sorry i laughed, im sorry i cried.  i didn’t mean to get that fucked up or did what i did, or im sorry i didn’t do what i didn’t do. im sorry that i dont care, or im sorry that i did. im sorry that i made too much of things, that i wasnt the only one invovled, that im never the one who wins in the end. i always seem to be apoligizing for being myself, wether it be to everyone else, or to myself. i didnt mean to care, or cry, or hurt, to be human. i didnt mean to hurt others, to put what i wanted over what everyone else wanted me to do. i’m sorry that things turned out this way, sorry that this is how it is, how i feel, who i am. my life seems to be about fighting for everyone elses approval when in reality it doesnt mean a thing. i always seem to be trying to approve of myself and my actions, after it is too late, and i cant change where things are now, where things arent. if its not to everyone else, it is to myself. while people may have a hard time forgiving me, i seem to have a harder time forgiving myself. for being me.
for being human.