oh,my……….What have I done???

In order for me to start, I have to go back.

I have been designated out of my family to be my mother’s keeper. I still live at home and take care of my mother and two children. I have had the responsibilty of my mother since I was young, before the kids were born.

I was never allowed a life, and was deemed to do all things domestic. So now all the domestic things that I have to do, I’m tired of. I’m sick of cleaning, cooking; you name it , I’m sick of it. Now don’t get me wrong. I clean my house. It’s just that I don’t clean my bedroom very often. Hey, I don’t have company (men) to come to my room. I leave my daughter to clean up the room that she shares with her brother. She does a piss-poor job but I always go behind her.

When my daughter was young, she was diagnosed with having lead poisoning. It’s because I live in an old house in the heart of the city and older homes usually have a higher tendency to have old lead based paint, dust, yada yada yada. I got all these letters and notes from the city saying they were going to do something about it, but they never did. Now my son has it. Now they want to follow through with getting the house right. My grandmother knew not to take them upstairs.

Guess what??

So I get this call at work and it’s my mother, “Trouble , Ma (grandmother) took them upstairs. ” What the f…….??? Didn’t I mention that if my luck would have it’s way, I wasn’t going to Puerto Rico??

And there it is.

My kids aren’t living in deplorable conditions, I am. So, now I’m faced with getting locked up, my kids taken from me, and then getting double time because I have two warrants. (see my dumbass) because I couldn’t go to court because I had to work.

Everytime one thing starts to clear up for me, here comes something else. damn! Damn!! DAMN!!!(a la Florida Evans on “Good Times”)

When will I get my break? When will my day come for me to shine?? For the past 25 years of my life, I’ve known nothing but crap, despair, etc. All the things that are on the negative side of life.

GOD, I’m about to depress myself into a coma, but I’m still at work, so there goes that out the window. See, can’t get an inch of love.