My challenge (perhaps TMI)!

Today, June 6 marks the 6th day of a personal challenge I set for myself. Towards the end of May after a fair few months of frustration at lack of sex, I started to realise that I needed to change my outlook, that I needed to change my view of sexuality and expectation. Irealised that I no longer valued sex for what it should be, it was becoming a necessary part of my life that angered me when I didnt get it (even though it was mostly my own fault, more specifically my lack of initiation, that I didnt get much). In light of it all, I decided I would have a month of abstinence beginning the 1st of June through to the 30th June. This abstinence is not only to avoid sexuality physically, although hard that is slightyly more acheivable, this is also to change my thought pattern of sexuality! Now, I am of course a huMAN after all, so I have to accept that I am going to have thoughts, but the aim for me is to change the way I think and try to bring back an essence of connection to my sexuality. I have also noticed that since the birth of our daughter, I take for granted her naked body as something that is no longer sexual, but rather nurturing given the breastfeeding and so forth. But Kati is my wife, and I need to see the sexy side of her again, and thats exactly what I am going to do. So far, it has not been easy! I have always been a very sexual person, but now I am realising just how detached I have become when it comes to sex and sexuality. The aim of the challenge is to value sex and therefore enrich my sex life thereafter.

For the first couple of days, I was catching myself perving alot, as I would any other day, only I was being more observant of when I was doing it, and less automatic about it. I would catch myself and turn away, or even force myself not to look at all if I felt the temptation… baby steps. By the 4th and 5th day it had gotten too much. It seemed that every woman around my work was wearing low cut tops with lots of cleavage and short skirts. I was trying to control my mind but it was getting the better of me. I couldnt stop the perving! But, today is a new day and I will draw strength and do my best! Of course first thing thjis morning there had to be a woman crossing the road in a short flowy skirt right in front of me, didnt there? Damnit women, its cold outside!! Oh well, I knew this wouldnt be easy!