I’m sorry I swore at you, phone. I was projecting and shifting blame.

Updated stuff, closed stuff, cleaned stuff, restarted stuff, and this seems to be working now. Not getting the slowdown I was getting on the keyboard, so that’s a good sign.

I downloaded ingress and started playing that a bit the past day or two in an attempt to get me out of the house and socializing. The community is really active, doing shit like every weekend, so maybe I can make some friends. Almost all of my friends from before have gone away. Either directly because of the Cunt or because I no longer know who to trust. She got into too many people’s heads, and the rest she definitely knows about, so yeah. Guess I’m done with all of them. Kinda sucks, but really, I didn’t have many friends to begin with.

It might sound like I’m being paranoid. Here’s a tiny taste of what I’ve been working on extracting myself from…

After yet another trip to the psych ward (she drove me there and insisted I was suicidal again – I wasn’t, but after arguing for ten minutes in front of the intake lady, I said fine fuck it I’m suicidal just so I could get away from her), I stayed in longer than she wanted me to, since the lease she forged my signature on was up and we had to be out. I said go fuck yourself I’m done with you I don’t care what happens to my stuff just leave me alone. Stayed in there for three weeks, made arrangements to crash with a coworker while I rebuilt my life.

Got out, crashed with a coworker (managed to keep my job through all of this because – among other things like an incredibly understanding boss – say what you will about Starbucks, the insurance they offer is fucking fantastic), saved some money, got a cheap car, found a cheap apartment, and got a new phone. At one point, the Cunt showed up at work while I was there, and my boss made me stay in the back room while he dealt with her, calling the cops and having her escorted away when she got all shitty (which was immediately).

Two days later, a cop showed up at my coworker’s house and showed me a thing that had gotten posted on reddit under my username. It was a ridiculously long detailed account of my supposed feelings about childhood sexual abuse, sprinkled with some truth, mostly insane, grammatically fucked up rants about how I want to die and it read very much like a suicide note. A poorly written suicide note. (if anybody cares to read it, skubasteve81 was my long time reddit name, and it’s probably the most recent thing posted on that username.) I definitely did not write it. It took me over two hours talking to the cop to convince him. He was satisfied eventually, and left. (she had called the cops and said she was worried about me, and they absolutely take that shit seriously, particularly with my recent history of actual suicidal shit.)

The next day, two cops show up at work and arrest me AT WORK IN FRONT OF CUSTOMERS AND COWORKERS because of a traffic warrant I didn’t know about. Not sure how she pulled that off. She is next level conniving and manipulative. Spent three weeks in county. It wasn’t bad, just boring as fuck, and as opposed to spending the $500 to bail myself out, I just waited it out till the judge decided time served was enough. A week after getting out, I found a new apartment within walking distance to work and got a new phone. Obviously did not give her my number or my address.

Three days after moving in, she called my new phone. Left a message saying she knew where I lived and I didn’t listen to the rest of it. Turned off my phone, grabbed my newly purchased taser and pepper spray and went for a walk. Around an hour later, I got back and turned the phone back on. I had 87 missed calls and 26 voicemails. Not an exaggeration. Next morning, I went and filed a restraining order. Got a court date for that. Very next day, again AT WORK, I got served with TWO restraining orders. The Cunt and her 19 year old son.

In court for mine, i show up, and the Cunt is there, along with her new friend the probation officer, and my ex gf we were both friends with. I was over the top anxious, panic attack happening as I tried to argue my case. Didn’t do a good job, restraining order dismissed.

I didn’t go to court for theirs, so now they both have restraining orders against me, which I am more than fine with. I know she’s building a case against me for something in the future, but RO’s work both ways. They have to stay the fuck away from me, too. So fuck it. Hopefully I’ll be the fuck out of here by the time she makes her next move.

After that, I fell into a pretty deep depression and stopped getting out of bed. Lost both jobs, would’ve gotten evicted had my guilt ridden parents (just assuming about the guilt) not thrown a couple thousand dollars at the landlord. Found a job painting houses, and I like it way better than sbux and the sushi kitchen.

Anyway. That was a lot longer than I meant it to be. Just wanted to illustrate that I am in no way being paranoid when I’m avoiding everyone I know that she also knows. Sucks, but whatever. Kinda liberating.

Been hanging out with a girl who’s in love with me. I’m not in love with her – very much despise the idea of love in general, to be honest. It’s a weapon word. I’m done with it. I never even liked it before everyone who’s ever told me that fucked me over really badly. Now it’s a sick joke. But the new girl is sweet and caring and I usually enjoy spending time with her. This weekend, I went with her to have her sick cat put down. So that was fun. Never actually seen that done. It was very uneventful. The cat was super sick and not moving anyway. Two shots and five minutes. Gone. She’s really upset about it, but if she wasn’t, she’d be a fucking lunatic. Glad I could be there for her. Felt good to be important or whatever.

I said I’m sorry mama. I never meant to hurtchoo… I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I’m cleanin out my closet.

Listen to Eminem. He’s fucking great.

Dr Dre has recently become one of my most respected musicians ever. Can’t believe I ignored rap completely for so long. This shit is the shit.