That’s just silly.

I hate that I got all sad/irritated today because he didn’t text me until 1:30. And I know where it stems from, which makes me hate it even more. D was notorious for not texting/calling me back. I’d text him and he’d just leave it be for 6 hours, 12 hours, 1 day, 3 days, however long he wished to wait in that particular instance.

I would wonder if he was okay. I would wonder if he missed me. I would wonder if he even cared. I would wait. And wait. And wait. To see if he would text me back.

Sometimes I was just being silly because he wouldn’t have his phone or what have you. But most of the time he saw my texts. Saw them and chose not to text back. And not just at work. He did it all the time. At home, out, whenever. It drove me crazy. Because I knew he would see my texts and ignore them. So then I would get all stupid and weepy and whatever because I hadn’t heard back from him. Definitely something that emphasizes the fact that I was not in a healthy relationship with him.

Anyway, I find some of those same feelings coming up with Travis. Example, he texted me last night around 9:30 and I didn’t text back because I wasn’t feeling well so I was already in bed. So at 6:30 this morning I texted him telling him I wasn’t feeling too well and that I was going to work around noon today. I texted him again around 11:00 telling him to have a good class. He has class at noon. So I knew that he saw my text before class. He always checks his phone. But no response. He finally texted me around 1:30.

Now, before going any further let me just say that I know this is silly. I don’t get a text from him all morning and all of a sudden I’m upset? Silly is an understatement. And he also texted me telling me how proud he is to be with me and how I make him so happy. So yeah, I shouldn’t have felt slighted. But I did. And it’s so hard to keep those feelings at bay. And on top of it, it annoys me. He doesn’t annoy me, I annoy me. For feeling that way. For being even slightly upset when he’s an amazing guy.

I hate that I have baggage and that it follows me. And I hate that it has any impact on my day or how I feel.

So yeah. That’s that. Just had to get that out. I’ll just keep these thoughts to myself and push through them. That’s the easiest way. They’re irrational and I know that. I just have to work through it is all.

Sorry to make this such an over-dramatic entry lol.