Pouty without a reason

Have you ever gotten upset and not really known the source of it?  I did, just now.  I was online looking at Italian restaurants for dinner and then decided to text Travis to see if he was planning on having dinner at home.  He said his Mom was making a pork roast for dinner and that he told a coworker we might go play pool after 9 tonight.

So, taking an honest look at my knee-jerk reaction.  It was to be… pouty.  I wasn’t happy with his plans.  I told him that sounded fine but I might not be up to go out that late (I’ve been sick lately and I’ve been all stopped up today). 

I thought I wasn’t happy with his plans because he just made them and didn’t consult with me.  But I like playing pool.  And he said that was fine if we didn’t go.  So that would be silly for me to get upset about it.

So then I thought I had just gotten my hopes up about going to a nice dinner tonight (I’m dressed up today) , and that was also silly because I hadn’t mentioned it to him before and we could go out any time. 

So then I thought maybe it was because I’m sick and grumpy.

Then I realized it wasn’t any of those things – it wasn’t that I cared what we were doing – it was that I wanted a night just the two of us (dinner with his parents aside).  But why couldn’t I identify that right when it happened?  It’s funny that I couldn’t tell right off the bat that was the reason – then I could have just told him “babe, it would be nice if we could have a night, just the two of us,” and he would have been totally fine with that.

Hm.  Perhaps I’m taking cues from past relationships.  Maybe this even goes all the way back to Jesse (we split back in 07).  He used to want to hang out with friends all the time and there were so many times that I wanted to hang out just the two of us.  But he would get upset about it.  He’d say, “Why do we have to hang out just us?  I’m a people person – I like hanging out with people.”  And part of me wanting to hang out just the two of us boiled down to how he acted when we were around friends. He wouldn’t acknowledge me, and would just leave me to go talk to his friends.  At that point I was much shyer than I am now so I would end up just standing by myself or whatever.

Anyway, I think that’s where it stems from.  It’s just strange to think that I would get pouty about something and not know the origin of my feelings.

Ah well – it passed and I’m out of here in 30 to go see my baby 🙂  It’s going to be a good night.

R