Demon Bible

I had the strangest dream the other night.  I don’t remember all of it but I remember there was a bible in it, and it was opening and closing, saying the books of the bible in a creepy demon voice (think exorcist style).  It was so strange.  I wonder what it meant?  Or if I’ve just watched too many scary movies lately.

Moving on 🙂 Monday night I got to see where Travis works.  He’s a server at this seafood restaurant near where he lives and we went there for drinks after dinner.  Everyone he works with is super nice, and most of them are really funny too.  I could definitely see myself going up there for a drink or two one night when he’s working.  Travis really likes it there and for the most part has been making decent money.  The only thing that sucks is that they have a ton of servers and he could make so much more if he had a larger section.  But it is what it is and it pays the bills so no complaints here. 

Anyway, Monday night after we got to Travis’ house I had sort of a mini-meltdown.  Haven’t had one of these in a while, and of course it was because I was about to start my period.  Gotta love those pre-period mood swings.  The good thing is that I don’t get bitchy or naggy around my period, maybe just a little bit irritable – but typically I just get sad about something ridiculous.  I don’t remember what triggered it that night but we were laying in bed talking about his work and all of a sudden I had tears running down my face.  I was hoping I could hold it together so that in the dark Travis wouldn’t notice, but of course, even though I wasn’t making any noise, a few seconds later he says "are you crying?  You are, aren’t you?"

He turned toward me and kissed me and said "What’s wrong?  Talk to me baby."  To be honest, I don’t remember a lot of the conversation, but it centered around me being a little self conscious sometimes.  That for the most part I am an incredibly confident person, in all aspects of my life, but that there is sometimes that small part in the back of my head that says He is so sexy and could have any woman he wants… what’s keeping him from leaving me for someone prettier? 

Of course, this is a stupid line of thinking because I know I’m a good woman.  I’m not cocky, but I know I have a good heart, and that I’m smart and driven and pretty and fun.  But it’s difficult as a female not to at least have small moments of comparing myself to others.  I’m not exactly the smallest chick out there – I’m 5’5" and hover around 215 pounds.  I’m curvy and carry it very well, but of course I’m nowhere near skinny and have a tummy and love handles and all that fun stuff 🙂  Anyway, I’m typically very content with my body but I suppose I have my moments.

On top of all that, I have a good man, who wouldn’t leave me for an "upgrade."  He loves me, everything about me, and has never hesitated telling me so.  Plus, he is supportive when I have these little breakdowns, even if they are pretty rare.  He was so sweet.  I kept telling him I was sorry for crying and he kept telling me to stop saying I was sorry – that it was okay – that he was here for me.  I told him I was just being emotional because my period was coming up and he said the same thing – that it was okay and that he was here for me.  He told me "I love you R.  I love you just the way you are.  I wouldn’t change anything about you, unless you wanted to change it and then of course I’d be supportive.  I would never leave you for anyone because you are the most amazing creature I’ve ever met.  I promise, I’m here."

Anyway, there was some more talking after that, and a little more crying.  And then amazing slow and gentle but very intense love-making.  I needed that.  I needed to feel him, taste him, get lost in him.  That’s always a surefire way to end an overly-emotional mini-meltdown 🙂

So yeah, that was that.  I felt silly the next morning and told him as much, and he told me I was fine – no worries.  I left for work, kissed him goodbye, and he texted me telling me how much he loved me.  I think I might just keep this guy around for a while 😉

R