Nicole Story page 27

My stepson, Brian has become very active in my life again. His little girl, Madilyn Nicole Bingham, was born February 9, 2007. They asked me to be a grandmother. They have become very special in my life.

As time and events move forward, I continue to do the same. There are still times of great sadness. There are still times when I don’t want to get up. I do the best I can. The hole in my heart is healing, but there will always be a deep scar. I am learning to function with it. I have been to grief counseling. I continue to attend meetings of Compassionate Friends. I try to do the things that will help and I believe they do. The journey is long. When the sadness or depression comes, it seems as if I will never recover.  I think about October 7, 2005. It has never been that bad again and that reassures me I am making progress.
 

Still the dreams come. No matter how many times I tell her to jump out the window, she goes out her door, the flames overtake her, she drops to her knees, then her elbows and never gets up. At night when I am alone in our home, the emptiness is the greatest. When I can’t sleep, I get up and write in my journal and shed my tears.