10,700 miles away and still no hi….

This weekend has been a total blowout…My friend has still not contacted me so I just kept drinking the wine that I had left from a previous time. I was so ready to party but had missed the last ferry and there was no way that I was gunna catch a bus to the city at 1am. But I crashed at about 1.30am, buzzing from the wine. I got a message at 215 from Mike asking if I was still out – god dam! I forgot about him being out this weekend….But I wasnt gunna meet him for the first time with all his friends now was I?

Today, I pretty much did nothing – eat limited due to deciding I need to lose more weight. I bought some madarines so still continuing with my fruit a day which is some conselation. I have decided to buy a DS so hopefully when my second tax rebate comes through, i’ll buy one with Sudoku as my book is nearly complete now.

My head is so mashed at the minute as well….I have so much in there that I wanna express but the time is not right or there isn’t any. But, Im a bit narked at some of my friends tbh. 3 of them are coming over in Aug / Sep which is cool – gotten over the whole envy thing but I hardly hear from others. And I know they’re letting me get on with life but I have realised that life there is just one big bubble… If they’re not talking about themselves then they’re talking about you behind your back. That shit is just too much now. Over 10,000 miles away and I have to say hello to them… Thats wrong.
And to top it off, Stu is being really nice to me – saying that he misses me and I miss him too. But he knows that this is more like a mission than a holiday for me. But there are times when I cant get him out of my head. And its worse when I would show ppl a picture of him ‘he’s hot.. u did well there’ – What is that meant to mean? Yes, we all know he is better looking than me, but there is no need to slap me in the face with it…

I doubt that I’ll be able to stay here. I REALLY want to, but I have a feeling that Mr Fate and Mrs Destiny are going to shove their faces in. I was looking at travelling before settling and Canada popped up. Now, my mum has had her palm read and they said she would live her final years there. I have a feeling that I will get to stay in Canada if I go – even if im unhappy, I have to make my family happy first. And it all seems to fit – Andrew will be old enough to live independantly and mum will be nearing 60 – wow, looking at that, it seems so surreal. Shes only just turned 53 but thinking that, its just strange. And I thought 21 is old.

Still think 30 is the maximum… And I now have a guy who is obsessed with me – wont leave me alone. Its what I wanted right? Wrong – especially as I have no feelings for him….