Coming Back

I feel a bit meh right now. I lay in bed last night, after eating tea and I was full, feeling ill from eating my dinner, but I had the urge to eat more. It was the same feeling I got when I was in school. I had Bulimia when I was like 14, and would eat nothing all day at school, then get home and eat so much, I would be sick. This happened for a good few months – Parents never cottoned on as I would leave after dinner to go to the park to make myself sick. I lost a good 50/60 lbs as well during that time. It was the locker rooms at school that drove me to it – seeing all the other kids so skinny, pissed me off and I wanted to be that thin…

Well, after I got to the weight i wanted to be, I sorted myself out, had my friends in school who got me through that time. I have maintained my weight at a steady level now but it was a place I never wanted to go back to. So I lay there, forcing myself to sleep, telling myself No. So anyways, I was on the way home today, feeling full again – the feeling you get when you dont need food. But I told myself that I needed to get dinner else I would be starving later on. So I forced myself to get McDonalds. Now, I’m full, feeling a bit ill but seem to be eating and eating bsicuits. I’m not gunna force myself to be ill – gunna let nature take its turn and if I am ill – maybe i’ll teach me to stop being stupid.

The woman at work is still telling me all these details about this guy. Its a shame no one really likes her but she has a bad attitude. Oh well, not my problem….