Frenzied, Worried Daughters

My husband got back from his out of town training in one piece. I was so glad. It was nerve wracking to have him travel. I’m used to ME traveling, not him. I laughingly call myself, “the disposable parent,” but there is some truth to that statement. When my daughters were young, I was the essential parent, but now they’re grown and my son is completely attached to my husband whereas I am one notch up from pond scum. Now my husband is the essential parent and I’m the disposable one. That’s not to mention that he’s not only the primary wage earner but the valid wage earner because what I make is pretty paltry since I only work part time. Gone are the days when I made more than him. It’s hard to even remember there was a time when that was the norm. And, of course, just the fact that I love him and I don’t want to be left behind on this earth without him – my partner in life. It is hard to even imagine life without him. Needless to say, I had it rough when he was traveling. The day he left was the worst. I was okay once he had made that first flight safely. Then I felt as if crisis was not necessarily around the corner.

The week went well. My son actually was easy to live with and lots of fun. We had a good time. I bribed him to learn the Lord’s Prayer and the 10 Commandments by kicking in $$ to buy Halo2 for him. I told him he has to learn the Nicene Creed too but haven’t enforced that yet. I realize those things are pretty meaningless to him now… just rote memory, but later in life their meaning will be fleshed out and they will come back to him in moments that will make him glad he knows them. I speak from personal experience. Maybe I didn’t pick the best way to get the message across but he’s been in and out of church since he was two and didn’t absorb those through osmosis so a more proactive method had to be used to get them across.

My daughter is in a frenzy because her husband’s Starbucks insurance will be going into effect January 1st. Now my husband and I paid for their COBRA insurance for May/June, we split the cost of July and August with her husband’s parents. His parents paid for September, we split for October, then we went thirds with my daughter and her husband, his parents and ourselves for November and will do so for December. All this time it has been a total of $600/month. That has put us out about $2,300. Since Illinois has a state mandate that all insurance must cover fertility treatments, she wasn’t worried about the Starbucks insurance but was just concerned about how much more she might have to pay under their plan. She called to get some details and found out that the Starbucks plan doesn’t cover fertility treatments at all. They somehow manage to get around the state mandate because they self-insure and it’s just managed by Aetna I guess. Now my daughter is beside herself. She wants to continue paying the COBRA but they really don’t have the money. My husband’s new job pays less than the old one so I’m not too anxious to funnel anymore money into COBRA and I’m pretty sure her inlaws feel similarly. They are not rolling in dough. Her father in law has health problems and can only work part time. He had a double lung transplant about five years ago and is doing well under the circumstances but is certainly limited in how much he can do. I still can’t believe that Starbucks is so biased in their insurance program.

My other daughter has stresses of her own. My granddaughter has a heart murmur so they did an echocardiogram on her and she now needs to see the pediatric cardiologist. They believe she has a bicuspid aorta, which means she only has two valves coming out of it instead of the usual three. I guess that about 1-2% of the population suffers this congenital defect but it doesn’t usually affect them until later on in life when it can cause havoc with the heart and require valve replacement. Throughout life, however, she will need to take antibiotics when she goes to the dentist or has certain surgical procedures performed. They have to do more tests, however, just to make sure there is no leakage. My daughter also needs to get her heart checked because it is genetic and she has had a heart murmur since she was an infant but they never took any pictures of her heart so she could very well have the bicuspid valve too but since it was all army doctors for us back then (and terrible care I might add) they just said that it was not uncommon and she would probably out grow the murmur.