How Cool Was This!

I took this little test and got my personality type thing done. Now, I had done this before and always come up with INFP which was pretty close to who I am, but not really on the mark. This time I came up with INSJ. I had not ever read the description of that type before but read it this time and boy, was that on the mark!! I was overwhelmed. The only part that was off was that I don’t really keep a neat house. I’m pretty much a slob. Other than that, I couldn’t believe how much on the mark it was. Unbelievable! It was almost scary.

I did a search and went to some other sites that had INSJ descriptions. There were a few other things that didn’t match. For instance, I wasn’t a good student as a kid, but I did try to please my teachers. Also, I was in a dysfunctional family and a victim of multiple abusers so I think that may have had a lot to do with the poor grades. I’m sure I would have done much better if I didn’t have all the repercussions of ongoing sexual abuse. Anyway, I was amazed at how on the mark this thing was. If you haven’t taken one of these personality tests, I strongly recommend you do it just for fun. Here’s the link and this one only takes a few minutes!

http://humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

So I sort of finished my trip down memory lane yesterday. It was kind of fun actually. A lot of my little story lines came back to me. I had forgotten some of the rather clever plot lines I had thought up for my books and had some good chuckles recalling the twists and turns I put into my erotica (hmm… truly no pun was intended there.) It sort of encouraged me to turn back to my mainstream writing and not just focus on poetry only.

Prior to the erotica I had written various short stories but hadn’t tried to market anything much. I think I had maybe sent one or two off to a magazine after a creative writing teacher twisted my arm, but I have been notoriously sensitive to rejection throughout my past so have not been particularly eager to submit myself to an editor’s brush off. It’s so much easier to say to oneself, “If I would bother to really get down to work, I’m sure I could be a published author.” Anyway, I had a real knack for horror stories and had written some good ones prior to my turn in erotica. Along with those I had done a few character studies. My creative writing teachers had always been very supportive. One of them had even taken one of my stories and shuffled some things around in that then submitted it to a magazine with both of our names on it (something my second teacher thought was quite unethical but I had no problem with).

My second creative writing teacher was absolutely wonderful and I wish I would have stayed in touch with her. She was so encouraging and really brought me out of my shell. The couple of courses I took made me aware that I had some hope. I knew that I had a talent that was not just average. I also knew, however, from reading really good writing, that it was quite possible I wasn’t talented enough to be memorable. I have flashes of brilliance – I really do, but flashes are uncontrollable and only happen from time to time. Flashes do not make someone an author. Flashes don’t even make someone a “flash in the pan.” I’m not sure I have a gift for writing, but I did have a
leaning toward creating good horror and I had a definitely knack for erotica *sigh* just my luck. The other thing I can really write – if I could find a job doing it – is food descriptions… you know like if you go to Baker’s Square and look at the pie menu… well, it’s just like reading an erotic book. I could write that stuff easily. Or read the side of a Starbuck’s coffee bag… seriously — read the side of any Starbuck’s coffee bag, or one of their posters… any of those things read like a page from any of the books that sold so well at Pink Flamingo. Food and sex are described in very similar ways. One lingers over their food, first looking at it and anticipating the enjoyment of its taste. Perhaps one fondles it before they raise it to their mouth and the delectable aroma wafts into their nostrils as the food passes between their lips. The texture of the food delights one’s tongue as the savory treat fills the mouth with an explosion of flavor. This is repeated over and over again in euphoric pleasure as a wonderful meal is consumed, first with the vigor of the hungry and astute – reflexes sharp and at the ready. Then, as one’s tummy becomes warm and satiated, sleepy and content, one slowly sucks at strawberries and chocolate wishing to consume as much as is humanly possible before pushing away from the table and enjoying a pipe and snifter of brandy. (Yeah, right.) You get the picture.

What I wish and pray for now is that I could somehow use what little talent or skill I may have to write something to God’s glory. I figure if I pray and if God gets in the mix, then maybe something will go right. And, amazingly enough, some of that has happened to a certain extent, thus the acceptance by the Ideals/Guideposts company. Somehow I would like to write something that would convey the feeling that God has given me… the feeling in my heart. There is this feeling that is almost a euphoria that comes over me when I think about what He has done for me. This feeling comes on sometimes when I’m reading psalms or sometimes when I’m praying or when I think about some of the things He’s done for me. It’s an almost inexpressible joy, yet I want to be able to express it. That’s why I’m so draw to poetry, because poetry can express so much that prose cannot. I feel somehow as if I could express that feeling, convey it to others who may not have felt it, then they might be drawn to explore God for themselves and they might find themselves in a relationship with Him and there is nothing in this world that is quite the same as having a relationship with God. Even more, I just want to celebrate Him – to glorify Him. Not in the traditional sense, but just for myself. This is so hard to explain… but just because I feel like it. Even if nobody else ever read anything I wrote I would want to just because it’s bursting out of me. It’s sort of like just a communication between God and me. And if it got seen by others… if my “literary agent” 😉 daughter was able to place it – great. If not, well, no big deal.

Well, enough rambling for tonight. I really went on a tangent. If we were all sitting around a table and sipping wine, tea, coffee right now, you all would be yawning and your eyes would be slits right now and you’d be secretly thinking, ”Man, this woman doesn’t shut up, does she? Gosh, talk talk talk…..”