And how could I have forgotten Felecia!

Geez.. was it THAT long ago… I forgot one more “voice.” There was a fourth woman in the Women Who Know group. She, actually, was the woman who started it all! This was Felecia. You see this all started about eight or nine years ago, maybe even ten – if I really think I could peg the exact year. I worked for a market research company and I was the project director for a beta test for a prominent ISP before they were ever an ISP. We recruited people to try them out – a small battery of folks to be beta testers for several months for free. As a perk I got to do it too.

I had a blast on the Internet. One of the things I discovered instantly was Internet porn. Reacting to the net like a teenage boy, I hopped around porn sites giggling and gasping. My husband was amused and of course didn’t object. Our sex life took and instant turn for the better. The next stop was chat rooms. That opened whole new avenues of excitement. Chat rooms were like living a book. Again, my husband was totally aware and had no problems with it. He didn’t see it as cheating any more than looking at a picture or reading an erotic novel is cheating. I wasn’t talking romance, the conversations were pure porn. The name I adopted when I went into a chat room was Felecia or some more erotic version of that name.

From there I discovered IRC chat and began to actually cultivate sort of a personality for Felecia. In IRC I explored the various “rooms” for different sexual appetites. This is where I discovered variant sexual… well, perversions I suppose you’d call them. This is where I also discovered I had a knack for chat. I realized that most people aren’t very creative really. I loved finding someone to chat with who could come up with a good scenario or find wonderful words to express something, that made it fun. To be honest, I never really “got off” chatting. It was sort of like an appetizer for later. That is probably why my husband urged me on. Again, our sex life was booming so he was thrilled. And this is when I began writing stories and when I began my websites. Not to sound arrogant, but I could come up with “hotter” stuff than most of the people I chatted with!

My husband came across Pink Flamingo’s website and sent me the link. He said, “You should write to her and see if she’d be interested in publishing anything of yours.” At the time Lizbeth (LOL that’s not her real name in case you couldn’t guess) didn’t have any authors working for her whatsoever; she only published her own stuff, but she read mine and was very interested. She offered great royalties to me (30% – she doesn’t offer that now, nor do any other publishers) and gave me incredible mentoring. I was very lucky. I wrote the three books over a period of two years.

When I was writing I did feel a little convicted about it. I had already backslid and had not been going to church, so it was easier to justify it to myself. I considered my writing a “marital aid.” I looked at how erotica had improved our sex life and hoped that the journey into fantasy would help other married couples’ sex lives. And maybe it does, but maybe that’s not the healthiest way either. I just don’t know. What I do know is that what I was writing was not exactly what one would call pure (as in “whatever is noble, whatever is pure, think about those things” as is advised in the Bible).

Very few of my characters were married, although some were, believe it or not. I could make marriage exciting when one partner was tying up and tormenting another – unfortunately sometimes I made it exciting by adding another person or two into the mix (in the stories, not in real life, don’t let me confuse you here – although in my craziness, that was something I considered for us as well). See, that’s the thing… fantasy can make you confused after awhile and you can start thinking that maybe you should have that in real life, but real life is not like a fantasy. Feelings can get hurt, people are not objects, things are very different. It is only through the grace of God and divine intervention, I’m sure, that somehow we never ended up getting involved in making any of these fantasies real. If I had to look back now and know that we had done some of the things I had proposed we do I think I would lose my mind.

Anyway, I began to work on my last book. By then, the low buzz of God in my conscience was not so low any more and finally I prayed, “Well, God, if you don’t want me to do any more books then don’t LET me do any more books!” and a year went by without me being able to complete the book. I was able to complete a novella on the net and post it, (the one about the woman who kidnapped the man – this one was female dominant/male submissive and Lizbeth wanted it) but somehow unable to get a full book done for Lizbeth. Some months after this is when I found out about my brother and that’s where the last entry comes in.

So that’s the story and I’m glad I wrote it out here because I guess I don’t want to forget it overall. My friend, Lace, :-)remembers when some of it actually happened, because I was an OD’er when I bought back my old books and destroyed all of my work. I also recounted some of this story in OD back at that time. It’s nice to have somebody in here who has known me that long. In return, I have to add, it’s nice to have known HER that long. I think about the things we share here, in OD, and what we see of each other’s lives and count it a privilege to be able to have this kind of intimacy with other people. In a way I guess I’m still sort of a “chat room addict,” but it’s a much more satisfying situation now than it was back then. LOL Maybe not quite as nice for my husband, but much much nicer for me. 😉

Taken at his barbeque two weeks ago 🙂
I love him. He’s the sweetest man in the world!