Eryssa is not my real name…

Eryssa is not my real name. I don’t wish it was. I’m not even that crazy about the name Eryssa. I joined OD a few years ago, in August of 2000. Back then I wasn’t sure what I was going to do here. I ended up using the name Eryssa because it was the first one that came to mind.

Prior to joining Open Diary, I had a brief writing career. I wrote erotica for a publishing company by the name of Pink Flamingo. My pen name for that company was Dannielle Durbin. As a matter of fact, if you do a Google on the pen name, there is one lone fan letter that will still come up that someone wrote years ago about one of my novellas. When my relationship with Christ was renewed back late fall of 2000, I discontinued my writing then, later, bought back all unsold copies of my books with my outstanding royalties and finally destroyed them along with the originals. That was a little extreme but, I felt like I needed to do that.

The writing I did under the penname of Danniele Durbin was popular. It was male dominant, female submissive stuff with men who tied up women, etc. It was thrilling, not dangerous. I did three books that each consisted of a number of short stories, a few poems, and one novella. The “voice” of Dannielle was a little dark and sad. Most of “her” stories were written in first person and were sort of melancholy. The books sold nicely and my publisher liked them. The publisher was a great woman who taught me a lot about writing. She was a little dismayed when I quit but her business was growing and she had other authors so it wasn’t a huge loss to her.

In addition to what I wrote in my Dannielle “voice,” I wrote in several other “voices.” There was Jeanna, Eryssa, and Women Who Know. Each of those were web sites I created that began to have fairly big followings. Women Who Know was an advice site for men that appeared to be produced by a group of women headed by Jeanna Johnson, Eryssa James, and Dannielle Durbin (who were all me). I took questions from men and answered them on line as well as wrote articles aimed at men of all ages from teens to older married men – all pertaining to relationships with women, particularly of a sexual nature, everything from how to get a date to what’s the best way for a woman to rid herself of pubic hair – crazy stuff that they’d ask. I’d just research the answer if I didn’t know. I had lots of hits and did it all because it was fun. I didn’t make any money off of it and didn’t have any advertising on it, I just enjoyed it.

From the Women Who Know site, visitors could access Pink Flamingo’s site, or they could access sites with writing that I did that my publisher wouldn’t or couldn’t sell. The writing that I did as Jeanna was very sweet erotica written in first person. It was vivid and passionate and was probably the most popular writing with the men. It was really very normal, things like having a little vacation and making love under a waterfall, or watching a horror movie on a cold October night while eating popcorn then making love and spilling the popcorn everywhere, painting the kitchen and our naked bodies, stuff like that. The majority of the “fan emails” I ever received was for this writing. My publisher, however, said this stuff wouldn’t sell. I enjoyed writing it, however, so I just posted it and got the egocentric pleasure of having others read it and compliment me.

Another site that could be accessed from Women Who Know, however, was Eryssa’s Dark World. This site contained material that Pink Flamingo couldn’t publish. This site held what was probably the best writing I’ve ever done, intense and dark. I layered it with warning after warning before anyone could get in. This is where I exorcised my demons. A victim of child sexual abuse, I somehow was able to deal with many issues by writing them out during this period of my life. At Eryssa’s Dark World there were only three tales. The first was a story about a woman whose lover is emotionally unstable (to put it mildly) and wants her to kill him as she makes love to him. The second is about a woman who agrees to let her lover kill her. And the third is about a man who agrees to visit a woman he has met on the net. She ties him up for sex play, then refuses to release him. I won’t go into details. Anyway, the writing was good (as I said), so good that a movie director contacted me to ask if I would write a (non-porn) screenplay with the same emotional intensity as one of those pieces (which I did – but that is a whole ‘nother story). I also received a peculiar Internet award for this site. Now, it’s gone, of course, all gone. Along with my books, all these sites, and all the hard copies were destroyed when I purged it all as a sacrifice to God. And maybe God didn’t require that. I don’t really know. But, what if He did and I didn’t do it? At any rate, it’s gone now and that’s probably just as well.

I destroyed it all because I discovered my dear brother who I love so much had become addicted to crack. This man, successful in everything he had ever done, made literally millions of dollars, approaching his fifties at the time, beautiful family, wonderful wife, prestigious job, brought down by crack-cocaine. And when I went to pray for him I felt this wall of shame in front of me because of my writing and my websites. I never wanted this to happen to me again. I tore that down and swore I would NEVER EVER put myself in this position EVER again! At a woman’s retreat God restored my life, my faith, my self-esteem, then later, he restored my brother. I’ll be forever grateful for that and I am not sorry that I gave up my little prideful career because God gives me so much in return. The demons from childhood had been pulled out, worked over, and brought to therapy so the writing had served a purpose. It’s no longer necessary (at least not THAT kind of writing). I didn’t make a fortune from it and would feel much better earning money using my OWN name, so that’s why I’m trying to market some mainstream stuff now.

So, when I came to Open Diary, I had to think of a diary name. I didn’t realize I’d actually stick with this and really be MYSELF here! If I had known that I would have certainly picked a name much more reflective of who I am. Instead, I ended up sticking myself with this remnant of a memory of such a dark mind and such a dark time. But maybe that’s just as well because then I remember always that I am saved ONLY by God’s grace through faith in Jesus Christ!