Good Note!
I got the following note as a response to my “controversial” entry. It’s a really good note and I appreciated it quite a bit. I like to have my thoughts challenged… especially on THIS issue because it requires so much thinking.
I am NOT trying to argue, but it is very easy to pass judgment on a situation, especially when one has never been through it. Most people that are pro-choice are not pro-abortion, but are proponents of the school of thought that allows each person to make decisions that will affect us for the rest of our lives. If you cannot trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a child?
Answer: One has nothing to do with another. As we see every day, people of all types are “trusted” with children. Many people who harm them intentionally or unintentionally have been “trusted” with children. I agree that the decision to abort or carry a baby is definately a decision that affects one’s life but it’s actually a life and death decision that is made FOR another human being. (That is, if you believe a viable fetus is a human.) I don’t want to just pass over the fact, either, that the decision to have sex (especially if it’s unprotected) is one that can change the course of your life (or even terminate it), as well.
Comparing women who have had abortions to Nazis is incredibly callous–it is a difficult decision, but it is also a private one to be made by the individual, not by the government or people who have been more fortunate.
Answer: You’re right, that IS incredibly callous and I didn’t mean the writing to assume that. My comparison was actually between the victims of the Holocaust and the victims of abortion — people who suffer from having no rights. That this would be extrapolated to mean I was comparing Nazis with abortive moms was a surprise to me but shouldn’t have been. It makes perfect sense that you would think that and I apolgize. As cliche as it sounds, I have close friends who have aborted and understand the reasons and actually don’t judge them for it. In the past I would have even advocated it (and have).
Many people will advocate adoption, but nobody can truly know how incredibly difficult that is to go through–most simply don’t have the strength. I gave my baby up for adoption, and then was a basket case for about 2 years. I tried to commit suicide twice, was in the hospital for longer than I care to remember. It is not a recommendation to be made lightly
If you could go back and abort that baby instead, would you? I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to give up a child. There are hormones and instincts, alone, that must make it nearly unbearable. I happen to believe you did the right thing, though. I can’t believe that the baby would have been better off not existing at all. Also, you were dealing with the consequences of a previous choice and, although that often makes it even more agonizing, it was based on YOUR choice, not on somebody else’s (unless you were raped, which I realize is a whole ‘nother issue to deal with). The decision to be exterminated is NOT the baby’s decision. The mom makes that decision FOR the baby which just doesn’t seem fair. It’s like the baby’s life has to be terminated because of a poor decision or misfortune of the mother. What makes the mom’s life more important than the baby’s? THAT’S where logic steps in to confound me on this issue every time.
–statistics show that a significant number of women who are dissuaded from abortion will end up taking the baby back from the adoptive parents–unhealthy for both the child and the couple. You may not agree with it, but a child deserves every right to be happy instead of harsh judgments from people who admit that they have never been faced with the decision themselves. Condemning someone for a choice that they may have felt they HAD to make is wrong, no matter how you look at it.
Answer: I realize that taking the baby back is definately heart-wrenching and unhealthy, causing a number of psychological traumas, but is death better? If you feel a child has a right to be happy, doesn’t that same child have a right to be alive? And I’m not making a harsh judgement of the child. I realize I seemed to be making a harsh judgement of the mom and that was very unintentional. I am, however, making a harsh judgement on us — general humanity — for allowing all these things that we allow.
If you cannot make a pro-life argument without religion, then it is not a valid debate when concerning legislation–that is the power of the separation of church and state.
Answer: Actually, my argument IS without religion — I see it as a logic argument. Unless you know the moment when a person becomes a human, how you can you know if you are killing or not? That has nothing to do with religion as murder is against the law. There are times when killing is accepted by the law and society, but those times generally include self-defense. Random killing for convenience is outlawed, and rightly so, but not because of religion. When the sperm penetrates the egg and begins to multiply, that is life, scientifically. Yet, we feel okay taking that life and I believe it’s because we can’t see the person, we don’t perceive them as a real human being. Because we don’t see them as human, they have no rights and since they don’t have rights, we feel free to kill them.
Again, I’m really NOT trying to start a debate–I just sometimes wish people would think about the people involved before making broad generalizations that are harsh and stereotypical. Perhaps if girls were taught something besides abstinence in schools, abortions would not be so common, or so “necessary”–for lack of a better word.Sorry if I offended you–it hasn’t been my intention.
Answer: You absolutely did not offend me… as a matter of fact, I am feeling terrible about offending YOU. I sincerely never meant my writing to make anyone feel THEY were being compared to a Nazi. That was not my intent at all. I certainly see how you could have assumed that and apologize for how the work presents itself. I don’t feel as if you’re trying to start a debate… You presented so many things to think about and presented them succinctly and logically with talent and intensity. This is such an odd subject with me because my heart screams, “PRO-CHOICE” while my logic tells me, “pro-life.” When I first started realizing this, I argued with myself! I ask for arguments, insights, new perspecives. That is integral to any stand one takes… you need to know why you believe what you’re standing for, even if it feels unnatural and awkward, as does this for me. I happen to think that abstinence is a good and wise teaching, but I agree there must be other things taught as well because abstinence is not something that can be achieved by everyone. (Me included.) It is my total wish and prayer that this whole subject would end up being moot because unwanted pregancies wouldn’t take place, but I don’t think there’s any more chance of THAT happening than ther
e is that abortion, itself, will be outlawed.
Again, let me repeat that I really appreciated your thoughtful and insightful comments. I’m sorry for any hurt I may have caused you and understand why you saw my writing in the light you portrayed.