But it still kept sucking anyway…

Then, when I got to work… things weren’t much better.  There were some stupid things there as well, where I was NOT wrong (and some where I was) but I was getting hassled anyway.  It was almost more than I could take.  I just wanted to quit… to quit my job, to quit my family, to quit my life.  No, I wasn’t feeling suicidal, just beaten, like I had no use or refuge anywhere.  But I realize that I am not patient with stupidity or illogic, whether it’s accidental illogic or purposeful illogic, it just annoys me… but, again, I focused on God and prayed and was reminded that the logical, efficient, smartest thing is not necessarily the goal we are aiming towards.  The goal I need to focus on is being who HE wants me to be according to the word.  Not once in the word does it claim that the smartest, most efficent and logical person is the best.  As a matter of fact it says almost the opposite… that God will use the foolish to shame the wise.  How many times have I clung to that scripture to help myself when I have felt inferior to others (because just as I have no patience in stupidity, inefficiency, and illogic behavior in others, I have even less patience for it in myself). 

I prayed for God to change me, to change my paradigm, and to carry this burden for me so that I could focus more closely on Him.  It is difficult for me and my pride and my so very sensitive feelings to deal with all of this, but He says it’s right so I know that it’s right.  I just get rebellious and, of course, wish He would change everybody else (all the while knowing that I’M the one that He is focused on changing today).

Well, if anybody reads this, I thank you for “listening.”  This is a great place to shed burdens and vent out frustrations.