My Neck
Well, I got some muscle relaxers. The xray showed spasms that are causing my vertebrae to sit rigidly straight instead of curve. It’ll improve with time and I can take drugs in the mean time and wear a collar if need be (but there’s no way I’m going to do that. It would drive me crazy plus those collar things make your face and double chin look like a big walking moon.)
God has really been working with me over the past few days. On Sunday we had a great service. I worked in the early morning and when Pastor came in I told him my neck hurt. He lay hands on it and prayed. Later on, after the sermon etc., there was an altar call (it’s funny how I keep spelling altar a-l-t-e-r because I guess it does really alter you — but I caught it this time and corrected it). Anyway, I came up for altar call. I am so fed up with myself and my being weighed down with this constant constraint of worrying about being fat, old, even worrying about being white since I work and go to an African-American church in an African-American neighborhood. I was honest and told him that I was trying to lose that. He leaned down and said, “You had the courage to ask me for prayer for your neck, right?” I nodded. “And doesn’t it feel better now?”
Uh oh… quick decision… “Yes,” I lied. Oddly enough, when Pastor annointed me I still felt that rush of the Holy Spirit and fell out sobbing. (I know I sound like a total nut, but I promise you I am such an ordinary person, you’d never believe how ordinary I am.) Anyway, I fell out and the Holy Spirit ministered to me and in my head I understood that we are made in God’s image and that we are all beautiful… I always understood that… but what was new to my understanding was the reminder that the Bible says we are a “peculiar people” and we will not think like the “world” thinks. I realized then that, no, I was never going to look beautiful to the majority of the world. And they were never going to come around and judge people only by what is inside of them rather than how they’re packaged…. but the thing is, the world’s opinion is only a majority, NOT the important opinion. Such a simple thing and yet all this time I had missed it! “Stop trying to conform yourself to worldly standards and instead conform to Godly standards!” I felt Him whisper. All this time I’ve been wearing the wrong glasses when I look at myself in the mirror. I need to put on a different pair.
There is nothing wrong with physical lovliness and certainly I’d be thrilled to be young and pretty once again, but more importantly is my loveliness to God and my obedience to his will.
I found a link in somebody else’s diary that takes you to a questionnaire about what kind of beautiful woman are you (or something like that — Check out Keepsake’s diary). I did it and here’s what I came up with:
<img src: “http://images.quizilla.com/L/Lorac/1035591663_CWINDOWSDesktopslave.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”Slave”>
You are a slave
<a href=”http://quizilla.com/users/Lorac/quizzes/Which%20Ultimate%20Beautiful%20Woman%20are%20You%3F/“> Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by <A href="Quizillahttp://quizilla.com”>Quizilla</FONT>
I don’t know if OD will let this picture or link come up, but I’m glad I came up as a “slave.” Certainly my husband wouldn’t exactly agree with that LOL. But God, Himself, — if HE sees me as a servant, that’s what I would like.
I know some of you that read this don’t agree with these type of beliefs and certainly don’t understand them. Even I don’t really understand them… I just know what God has done in my life and I realize the time came long ago to either stand with Him or stand against Him. I stepped to His side and have not even once been sorry I did!