1999 Entry (Paradise)

A Day in Paradise!

Ever since I started this job I’ve had so much more time with my son. Already I can feel a change in our relationship. He’s told me he loved more times in the past four weeks than he told me in the last year I think. I’ve gotten hugs and he’s been very open about how pleased he is that I’ve been more of a full-time mother. He’s not crazy about the material sacrifices he’s had to make… we used to buy him a lot of stuff because we didn’t have so much time to be with him. But he’s dealing with it and I remind him how much I appreciate that because I am now in a job I enjoy instead of one that makes me miserable and that is partially because he has been good enough to give up material gain.

Yesterday the weather was like spring (and it’s only February). I picked him up at school at 3:00 and we walked out in the air, breathing deeply and enjoying the feel of it on our bare arms. Our first errand was to go to the grocery store to pick out Valentine treats for his class. What a blast we had taking our time and looking at all of our choices. We also picked out his birthday cake because it’s just days away.

Coming out of the store we decided we had to do something… anything to enjoy this beautiful weather. We drove down to the lake and walked in the park looking at the water and at the city a ways down the shoreline. We hugged and laughed and stood on the rocks, but it got cold so we had to return to the car.

My little boy put his precious arms around mine and said he’d warm me up. When we got to a little path he showed me how he could jump over it and back and then broad jump it. The breeze stirred my hair and filled my lungs and I thought, “I must being going to have a terminal disease because no one feels this much joy unless it’s the end of their life!” But so far I’m healthy.

We drove back home and I found myself telling my son stories about my mother and my childhood. He seemed interested and I relived so many forgotten, but happy moments of my life.

Is it because I’ve been so miserable with past changes in my life that I’ve now learned to appreciate what I’ve got, or have things just gotten that much better? Maybe it’s a combination of both, I don’t know. I can only say that there are moments, and many of them, that are almost sublime now.