December 9, 2006

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Where has all the fun gone from my life? Was it ever there, or have I lacquered it over my memories? I’ve been upset before. I’ve been sad often. I’ve harmed myself a few times, and thought about it a lot more. I’ve always had problems in social situations, and felt like I am deficient in the skills for dealing with other people. I have friends, and we’ve spent many good hours together. I’ve had sex, though I’ve never really enjoyed it. But I have always been waiting. I have waited to shed my hangups and excess pounds, to become the dynamic, charming, easygoing success that I should be. And now I’m getting on for a quarter-century old, with no idea where I’m going, still doing the stupid things I did when I was 17, and still making and breaking the same promises to myself again and again.

I love so much about life, but I am ill. I find it hard to cope, and sometimes it gets on top of me.

It just occurred to me… I’ve been wondering, trying to figure out why Clive went so suddenly from one extreme to the other. I just thought… well, maybe he’s a bastard. But… I would’ve noticed, wouldn’t I? I mean, surely I’d’ve noticed? I can’t bring myself to hate him.

Glad your attempt didn’t work. Take care!

No-one has the answers, honey; we’re all f***ed in the head. Only difference between you and other people is that you’re saying it out loud. If you think at 25 that making the same mistakes you did when you were 17 is hard to deal with, wait ’til you get to 40 and you’re still doing it. No-one said life would be fun. I hope you’re ok and remember… you WILL get through this (somehow)!

When you get through the dark tunnel that seems neverending and you find something that makes you feel a little better, whether it be a song, book, film or a new friend…I hope you realise life is worth living. Keep battling.A friend.