Post Office Drama

                The fake “war on Christmas” has me worn out and hating this time of year. One of the top warriors in this war is Sarah Palin. Her XMAS book was reviewed by none other than Dan Savage in one of the best book reviews I have ever read. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/good-grief-and-great-tits/Content?oid=18503580

I reread this review with my first coffee this morning as I tried to work out today’s entry. Thank you Dan… you gave me such a present through your review.

I stopped by the Post Office on my way the “Y” to mail out the “Dirty Dreams of a Clean Cut Kid” CD I made up. The cassette tape that was sold at performances of this obscure show back in 1991 as far as I know is unobtainable from any source. I was so gladdened to help Clint who had tracked me down through the innertubes.

After reading Dan’s book review what occurred in the Post Office is doubly memorable.

Two books that were my “101 Primers” for understanding the south were: “Southern Ladies and Gentlemen” written by Florence King and  “A Southern Belle Primer” written by Marylyn Schwartz. Through these books I learned how to identify the “Junior League” facet of Southern Belle Society. Once I learned the signs it was easy to pick these ladies out from the crowd. It is a given these women will be white and blonde. Their clothes all match and their hair and makeup have the sameness of a Fox Bimbo “news anchor”. The hair is usually parted in the middle coming to the shoulders and then curling to the front. I’m in the dark in describing fashion. It reminds me of a log bob without the bangs.

Anyway… some three people ahead of me in the post office line was one such “Junior League Southern Belle”. She was tall and thin. Her blonde hair was coiffed in the approved  fashion and her make up was perfect. The green slacks and Christmas vest were flashy without being vulgar. She was the poster Junior League Woman, hands down.

The line was not too long but such drama was going on. On the right side of the counter was an older couple wearing off the rack Harley Davidson emblazoned jackets and clothes. They looked as much like bikers as I look like an NFL linebacker. They were studying a Tee shirt that had “Be careful what you wish for” printed on one side. I don’t know if they were going to ship it back to the sender, or rewrap it as a gift. They were both so befuddled and out of it. Then at the left hand corner of the long counter, a lady was filling out some forms. All the post office windows were operating with harried workers. I’m in enough to where the clerks know me on sight. Things were actually operating pretty smoothly.

I was making small talk to the man behind me in line. He told me how he had to make a trip to Wal-Mart and was in and out in about ten minutes. That is unbelievable. I related to him how when I’m checking out if there are a LOT of people behind me in line, I say loud enough to be heard when given the grand total owed, “Oh all I have is a third party check on an out of town bank, but I know it is good!” The reactions I can get are priceless! We were both laughing. Then the drama ensued……

It has been quite some time since I have done a “mini drama”. So much happened in the course of that Post Office visit we will go into dialogue mode for a bit.

The Junior League Woman was at the counter: 

Junior League Woman:  I want a book of Christmas stamps.

Post Office Clerk:  I’m sorry we just sold the last of our Christmas stamps; will the flag stamps be all right?

Junior League Woman: I HAVE FLAG STAMPS, I NEED CHRISTMAS STAMPS.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:6.0pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:6.0pt;
margin-left:0in;text-indent:.5in”>Post Office Clerk:  I’m sorry; they might have Christmas Stamps at the Northport or Skyland locatrions, all we have left are flag stamps.

It was quiet as this all transpired. Everyone was transfixed by the pathos and drama of not having Christmas stamps. This woman’s face was actually showing red under the layers of make up. She spun on her heel and stormed out in a fit of righteous indignation speaking just loud enough for everyone to hear:

Junior League Woman:  A fine way to run the post office, No Christmas stamps at Christmas. No wonder they are going broke.

If there is one thing I have learned in life it is to carefully choose your public battles. There can be a fine line between being courageous or being an asshole. This woman was definitely in the later category.

There was a collective sigh of relief as this woman left. I said to the man behind me.

Jamie:  I’ll never understand that type of person. With all the misery in the world and she is so bent out of shape over stamps. Really, what difference does it make?

Man Behind Jamie: Yes, I guess you could call it a first world problem.

It was now my turn at the counter. I had the CD in a bubble envelope.

Jamie: What would be the cheapest and fastest way to send this?

Post Office Clerk:  First Class looks to be your best bet. That will run $2.07 and will be delivered on Friday.

Jamie: That will be perfect I’ll go with that.

Post Office Clerk: Is there anything else I can get you?

Jamie: Oh yes, I need a book of stamps.

Post Office Clerk: Will the flag stamps bee all right?

Jamie: Oh no, I need to get the Fourth of July stamps.

Hearing that, the lady on my left filling out the forms burst out laughing and gave me the biggest smile.

The poor clerk had the most bewildered look on her face.

Jamie: I overheard that irate lady over the stamps.

Post Office Clerk: Oh yes, we all heard her.

Jamie: I just wanted to give you a bit of comic relief. The flag stamps are fine.

There were a bunch of people smiling as I left the Post Office lobby and continued my journey to the “Y”.