Shoppers

 I’m bored so I thought I would write. 

 
I am so sick recently! Sucks I hope I am better before New Years. 
 
I hadn’t heard from an old friend in awhile so I assumed because our last interaction wasn’t the greatest that maybe we’d just drift apart. I didn’t have her number because I changed phones.  But she messaged me yesterday so we are going shopping and lunch tomm. 
 
I have to go get something small for her. I’m thinking just a card and a ten dollar gift certificate to shoppers drug mart or something. 
 
I have a confession to make: I hate buying people things and I am the worst present buyer ever! Always have been! It’s so much pressure I never know what to get people. I’d rather make something or give them something sentimental. Some people prolly hate that I know. 
 
My stupid ex hated it he used to openly complain about the shit I got him. It was either I have this already or I don’t like this. Ugh. It’s the thought that counts right???right???? 
 
Plus lately I don’t have much money for much. I feel like when you get something for someone it should be relatively expensive or mid range. Anything really cheap is just ugh I don’t know. Unless it’s sentimental or funny. 
 
I’d rather just give ppl gift cards they can get what they want.
 
I’m not a gift giver type person. 
 
I don’t know if she will have anything for me. Either way I don’t care. It won’t be that expensive. 
 
I have to get my mom something too. I’ll get her a gift certificate as well same place. 
 
I know what I am wearing for New Years I decided just to wear a dress I already have. It’s shorter on me now which is good because it’ll look sexier. If I see anything nicer than maybe ill buy it. I really wanna buy a pair of inexpensive thigh high boots or just over the knee. Because I left my boots at my exs. 
 
Pisses me off how he left it. I also had a necklace that I had bought that I left there. But mostly I am mad about my boots. Ugh. I wore them often! He’s such a prick. 
 
Anyways. I’ll buy better ones anyways. 
 
Instead of getting my nails done I am going to buy those Sally Hensen salon effects. They are those stickers that have art on them. Easy to do cheaper. 
 
Just going to take it easy until than. I’m feeling drugged from the medicine I am taking. 🙁 
 
I finally got the courage to call security on my neighbours about them screaming and fighting. I don’t know why but I was scared to so it. The walls are paper thin and I can hear the whole fight in my bedroom. It goes on for hours and on and off sometimes. I honestly don’t know how this fucking woman has the vocal strength to carry on screaming yelling throwing shit maybe even fighting physically. 
 
It effects me especially since I am sick and drugged up right now to hear that it starts giving me a panic attack. 
 
I was scared because no one else seems to call and complain and I know her other neighbour can hear it so it makes me think that they are scared of her or they know her. 
 
Or that security doesn’t do shit. But enough is enough. I am going to keep repeatedly calling security and maybe even the police next time because it’s loud upsetting annoying and distrupting and it goes on for hours!! During the day at night doesn’t matter 
 
I’ve tried wearing earphones can still hear the bitch 
 
 
Hopefully there’s not some  silence code in this fucking building but seriously I can’t take it anymore it’s disrupting my well being and peace and sleep. 
 
My mom is looking into getting me an apt in her building possibly. 
 
Which is pretty good and bad. I mean it’s good because her area is really central. It would be in a normal fucking building and I would get either a terrace or balcony and the rent would be cheap still. 
 
But I just hope that she doesn’t invade my space or think that if she fights with her bf she can sleep over at my place all the time. I know that he can be a jack ass sometimes and it seems to me that my mom feels trapped w him and tries to go out as much as she can so she isn’t around him as much. He’s violent and mentally unstable plus I think he’s terminally ill. So it’s not the best environment all the time but at the same time she can’t be alone. She always needs to be around people. 
 
Lately she’s been really helpful and all that with me which I appreciate but I always wait for the shoe to drop because I know it always will. And when it does I want to be prepared. 
 
The thing is I try to get help fromy case worker and all that and no one is as helpful as my mom but the downside is that it is more on her terms. 
 
It’s something I have to think about. I mean the wait list for subsidized hosing is really long plus most of those buildings are just like this one anyways and market rent is too high for me right now since I am not steadily employed and all that. 
 
Her option seems like the easiest and most desirable. Thing is not sure yet. But it looks like it might be ok. 
 
Her building is mixed mostly families and market rent and subsidized. Makes more of a difference.
 
Well see though I am exploring all the options I have. 
 
I have to gear myself up sometime tonight to go to shoppers and get what I need. So tired 🙁