Mind is blown

 My mind is Blown!!!

 
So last week I have been putting together the pieces of my childhood and I found out my real heritage. What my parents have been trying to hide from me forever. 
 
Because they were ashamed or scared anyways. I don’t know
 
I always felt empty in that space the two ethnicities that I was told I was never fit at all. I know every ethnicity has stereotypes right and wrong but I just felt in me that I was missing my culture, my true culture that I never fit anywhere. Not Italian not completely finnish. Not even both of them. 
 
And I wasn’t really raised with any particular culture either it was all cloaked and hidden. The culture and language in my house was there but it was like veiled in secrecy. Not given the real country that we were from and the language that was spoken at home and all the customs. 
 
But I am starting to put things together now and I feel like a deep sadness but also joy that I now know why I do and say the things I do instead of feeling like I am on automatic pilot with uncontrollable urges and thoughts and sayings. So it’s both. Mostly good. All this knowledge came together a day before my birthday.
 
I still have a hard time believing it all but when I mentioned off handedlu to my mother the things I learned about the customs and the history she said how do I know all these things? Guilty as charged. 
 
I dunno it’s just weird and crazy and sad and amazing.
 
I am remembering it all now. 
 
My eyes are open.