Sleep talk
Fuck friends
So I blew off my friend for a concert I was supposed to go to w her.
Not really blew off I told her last night my depression is pretty bad and I might not make it. Than in the morning I said I couldn’t make it. She wanted me to take the subway prett fucking far to meet her too she could’ve met me a bit closer.
Anyways she didn’t say much. I told her I hope she can find someone else to go and have fun. I said the night before I really don’t feel like pretending everything was alright.
This is the friend who had a break up right around the same time as me. We bonded over that and than she suddenly found a new rich guy to leach off of. I really thought she cared about the last guy but judging from how she talks about the new guy her love is in the guys wallet everytime. I could care less about that. As long as he has se sorce of income and isn’t leaching off me its all good.
She was suportive but now she’s like basically shut up to me. So it hurts and pisses me off at the same time. But I really can’t bullshit lately. I know doing things can help me get my mind off of him and the other things but it has to be w the right person. I knew if I went we just end up fighting because I wasn’t being the way she wanted me to be which is all cheery and happy and talk about surface shit.
Once I feel better and more capable maybe just maybe ill hang w her. But seriously I would rather be alone lately than w fake people who don’t really care and give much a shit about u but having an entourage and company.
I have been watching an old movie on YouTube that is pretty good called the chalk garden. Makes me think about how talented actresses and actors really had to be back in the days. Now we have people like jennifer aniston and Paul walker, and other average to attractive people doing movies but aren’t really very distinctive or that multi faceted. Doing garbage rom coms and action blockbusters all the time. Sometimes that’s ok but watching old movies you really see a difference in witty dialog, character development and distinctive voices and appearances.
I had the Next few days to do shit all. It’s been a rough two weeks without my therapist. Everyone around me is very emotionaly stunted and apathetic.
<div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); “>I got this pretty funny/creepy app for my phone I turned it on most nights. It records you sleeping. I talk alot in my sleep so I decided to use it. I am creeped out and amused. The other night I was yelling stop it stop it stop it. And my cat was crying. And than I said these rambling sentences something like "I am so glad that, at least this time…" Than another recording I started speaking gibberish mixed with English. I also can snore loudly at night and I also hear myself choking at night. I have a very active night life! Lol crazy creepy and funny all at the same time!
ryn: i’m glad i reported him too. he got fired. and then the new security guard asked me out. lol. i said no though. how are you doing?
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LOL!!! I’d be afraid to record myself. What if you ended up hearing a different voice?!?! A ghost! EEEeeek 🙂 lol jk As far as the friend deal goes… I’m in the same boat. It’s very hurtful when friends are insensitive. *hugs*
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