Sperm donor day

 Sperm donor day 

 
So for me its sperm donor day. I literally have no postive there for me male role models. 
 
Father: dick 
Uncle: dick 
Grandfather: dick and dead 
Brother: dick 
Moms uncle: distant but he’s alright but he could’ve manned up more since he has no kids of his own 
 
All dicks. Cold people. Misogynists. Selfish. Unemotional. Mancho insensitive pricks. All of them. 
 
Is this even possible? I see some post on Facebook thanks daddy I love you and some not too positive one either which I think at least are more relevant and real to me. This one chick I know she wrote about father being more than a biological thing and more of a character thing which I agree. 
 
At 25 I am done pretending my father was my hero because he wasn’t he is a sick twisted guy, more a my villian. So yeah. It’s really such a commericalized thing. But hey I do know some people have good dads and all that. 
 
I yearn for a postive healthy male in my life whether its someone I can look up to or a man as my partner. It sucks that all the men I have ever known have been such jerks. Especially to women! 
 
I went to see O last night. He had the house to himself so that was awesome we got food and watched tv and cuddled and talked and fucked. He’s not perfect. But I guess he’s the closest thing I have to a healthy male I guess. The one and only former gang banger. The one thing I do love about him is he makes me feel beautiful he pretty much said when the pizza guy came isnt she so beautiful? Which I admit was kind of embarassing but later on I was walking down the stairs and he was just staring at me and smiling and he said I wish I had a video camera just watching you walk down the stairs your so gorgeous. So that was cute. 
 
It went alright. The sex is amazing per usual. It sucks he is such a workoholic and shit but maybe that will calm down. He said he’d come downand see me either tues or Thursday. We will see. 
 
I need to get busy w my own life too because I rely and wait on him too much its not good or healthy. I just need more of a sign to leave him if that is what is to happen. He was talking to me last night about getting a house together. No way I would do that right now! I just moved into my new crib! But going to his house last night makes me want to live In a house again. A bungalow with a backyard to BBQ and a porch out front to sit on. One day. Maybe one day ill rent a room in a nice house or something. Or me and whoever my partner is we will rent a house or buy one. I just love houses your own washer and dryer and shit. 
 
Anyways I’m glad "fathers" day is almost over. To be truthful I doubt many people really have that perfect of a relationship with their fathers by the look of my news feed on fb sparsely did anyone really sing their praises about their father maybe one or two people and one othe people did it was someone whose father was dead albeit a pretty nice guy as far as I know. 
 
It’s like I see it as at a restaurant you don’t tip well or tip at all for bad service. And you especially wouldn’t tip or even pay for half the meal if the waitress was physically verbally sexually or emotionally abusive so why get your father a present if he was hardly ever there? Molested you or abused you? I don’t call my father a father. 
 
He’s just a sperm donor. He’s got two other delusional children who will kiss his ass. Not me. No more. Fuck him.