somethings not right

something is not right with my friend. i dont know what it is but i have a feeling of unease with her. i dont trust her much at times either.

that cant be good. is this my post traumatic stress? my anxiety lately? am i spending too much time with her? I think I am.

alot of stuff about her pisses me right off. yet i dont say anything. because i interpret  again she has more power than me. once again a fucking power struggle. i am not sure is even there. she drives so everything we do is travelling with her car, doing the things she wants. sometimes doing the things i want to. i cant lie. is she treating me badly? is she being abusive towards me? how come i am even saying these words? it seems extreme. i resent her. i resent the way she always seems to have money and spends it extravagantly. she invites me to do things that i have no money to do. so she *treats* me. i like it at times and I fucking hate it at the same time.

i pretend all the time i shove my emotions down. i hate that. i want to be free to say and do what i want to do. once again i feel stifled once again it is time to spend less time with her and put up some boundaries. i think thats what needs to be done.

a relationship with no boundaries is a fucking mess really.