Profile of My Family

This is hard to write because I am feeling real bitter and distrusful and hateful towards them lately but here goes.

So the funniest moments of my childhood, hmm prolly one of the funniest things was the fact that our house was broken into and we really acted like we didnt give a shit and pretty much partied. my dad brought out the accordian and started playing. it was almost as if it brought the family together that night after such a shitty thing happened. i think it didnt mean much to us because we had money. we still had our pets and everything that was nailed down. our pool,our actual house didnt burn down, there was no real damage done. weird shit was strewn around that puzzled us but also amused us. a book about mary magdalane was in the middle of the hallway. we thought that was creepy and weird. but funny too.. like i said. we conspired about who it was to eachother and had the cops come over to talk to all of us which was exciting because it wasnt a violent episode no one was home at the time and the came and went. mind you it sucked that my underwear was everywhere and all that. i hated people going through my stuff especially my underwear drawer. but i figured i didnt know the person would never face them in my life. (i ended up facing the guy and telling him off later on but i wasnt really embarassed he saw my underwear, he was there to steal shit)

I cant remeber a lot of funny moments. i am trying to think about some that were really hilarous. my family was a very serious family but we were also very very goofy and self deprecating. we often laughed about fucking up and tripping and falling. those things werent anything to be embarassed about but fucking hilarous most of the time. I got made fun of a lot of the time. sometimes it pissed me off and hurt me but other times it made me feel loved and cared for. i would ham it up with impressions of people and skits and things like that. and sometimes when my sister and brother and parents laughed they laughed because they thought it was cute. one time i remeber my mom got a real kick out of me once. when i wrote a paper for school and it was about martin leuther king jr. but the spell check changed the leuther to leather throughout the whole paper. i didnt notice it i dont think and handed it in. but she saw it and thought it was pretty funny i laughed a bit just thinking about it now .

me and my brother had a lot of laughs making fun of music videos and things like that. we saw a lot of things the same. and liked fucking ripping things to shreds. once we were making fun of the song by crazytown, called butterfly and we were watching it in his room and commenting on how stupid the guy in it looked and how stupid the song was and how it would never become popular it was amusing later on it blew up on the radio here and even i liked it in the end. than one of my favorite movies Orange County had that song in it.

My most embarassing moment was when I was talking on the phone with my friend when i was about 12  and the friend i was on the phone with liked my brother and had a huge crush on him and was talking about him to me and i think i agreed he is good looking because i guess i felt proud she thought my brother was cute and that even if she just liked me for my brother i was willing to capitalize on it for the friendship with her a bit. and my brothers gf walks in after i hang up the phone and teasingly says are you after my boyfriend you better not be. she heard the whole thing and i was so embarassed she heard that i said my own brother was cute. she twisted my words by saying you think my boyfriend is hot. i was so embarassed.

i felt embarassed a lot around my family they liked to tease me because i was the youngest and i was really goofy and awkward at times. and was really like hyper at times. i would dance around the kitchen making up dance moves and doing funny things. i couldnt sit still at times. full of energy.

i have no idea how my school mates or friends viewed my family a lot of the time. i know they thought we were super rich and maybe compared to them or what it looked like on the outside it did look like that. rich was the biggest word i heard. most of my friends and classmates never met my father he wasnt around a lot. my friends i guess liked my mother because she was willing to drive us all around all the time whenever i wanted to do something. she wasnt like a lot of other parents who would never drive their kids to the movies and wait for them until the movie ended in the parking lot or drive them to the mall and maybe even give my friend some money too or take us out to lunch or dinner or buy us food to eat. she was very generous with her time energy and money. she was friendly i guess to them. i dont know if they ever felt comfortable or got a warm vibe from her though like i did. some mothers do and some mothers dont. most of my friends were scared of my sister they called her a bitch and hated her. she was mean to them and rude so most of them didnt like her and were VERY VERY intimidated by her. they felt judged by her and a lot of them as much as they didnt like her they wanted to impress her as well and wanted her to like them. but she never really did like any of my friends. and when she did it was on and off and i would be shocked if she did like any of them. she was pretty close with one of my friends and it hurt me because my friend would often pick my sister over me when me and her fought and my sister would leave me out of plans and invite my friend out with her. my brother most of my friends thought he was hot,sexy,cool they wanted to impress him and the crushed on him hard. one of my friends wasnt impressed by him though and said she didnt think he was good looking at all and it shocked me and made me mad almost. she was shattering the image i had of my brother. the popular strong silent type. that was very smart and nice to everyone. helpful even.

most of what people knew about my dad was through me bitching about him. i know he really chatted up on of my friends katie alot. one night i actually left the dinner table because my dad kept talking to her and asking her a million questions i just went to sit on the stairs. i guess i wished in a way he would talk to me more and i was annoyed and impatient because i wanted to go play with my friend. another time me and her were diving in the pool and my dad would pretend to be an olympic announcer and call out and rate our dives and call out our names. i dont remeber how i felt about him being there. kind of uncomfortable but also happy that he was around. my mom recently pointed out that my friend emily LOVED my dad. i remeber my dad was driving us somewhere and he had this cd called dock rock and she just LOVED it and wanted it so bad afterwards. she talked to him a lot and I guess he gave her a lot of attention. maybe she even played up to him a bit. she was kind of flirty but not i dont really hold it against her . i suspect there was a reason that she flirted a lot with people and was so touchy. she may have been sexually abused as well as a child. its just a speculation plus she was young she didnt really know what she was doing. but she loved my dad. and we used to joke that her dad was like fraser from the tv show and my dad was like tony soprano from the sopranos which was a pretty accurate description of them both.

my fr

iends viewed me as off the wall, i would do anything for attention laughs and i think they liked that and envied i was so brave but i think they also thought i was a moron sometimes too. and was acting stupid and would make fun of me behind my back. i was an easy target. i didnt stand up for myself when people teased me but one thing i woudnt do is go along with things i didnt like to do or thought were wrong or unsafe. i would walk away and leave. once my friends were all doing extacy and i told myself i am never doing that shit and i dont wanna be around them while they did it so i called my mom and went home. if i felt the slightest rejection or even a real rejection and people were treating me like complete crap id walk away without saying anything. i would rather be alone than feel bad about myself or not be myself. i was very independent and did not have strong ties to people or friends most of the time so i was easy for people to make fun on because i didnt have back up i was also very quiet at times and didnt trust people so i would keep to myself and not react to them ripping pieces of paper up and throwing them in my face. but it doesnt mean i didnt punch or hit people myself i did that too but not very often. only when i bottled something up for a long time and i needed to get it out .

i will get back to this dont feel like saying much more…