bad weekend

 this weekend I was raped by my ex bf. I  went to his house to hang out and i woke up to him raping me. I pushed him away and he drove me home. i was shocked as hell.he didnt use a condom so I went to the clinic today and just got back from getting tested for all of it. I am shocked and disgusted with him. Going to the clinic today was hell as I had an old male dr and it was very triggering and it hurt. I did blood tests as well and the needle fucking killed. Usually when I give blood it doesnt hurt as much. I am just glad its all over with right now.. I just have to be on edge waiting for all the results. i have no idea how long he was raping me for he claimed he thought I was awake but I know better that he knew I wasnt. fucking bastard. 

i am just so hurt and upset right now but i know i will get through it all. i need to be strong at work when I go back and not let this devestate me because if i do i am fucked. i dont know what will happen but i have to keep it together as much as i can.