been awhile

its been awhile since I have wrote. just havent really felt much need or want.

i am glad i have today off I have been really stressed out with work lately the hours have changed a bit and things are getting over whelming at work. it didnt help when a tenant of the building told me I let people walk all over me. and i bend over backwards too much. she than started comparing me to the previous facilitator and said she has been pulling back on comming to the kitchen since. i dont mind critisism but it hurts at the same time. i know there is truth to what she said so thats why it hurts and pisses me off at the same time.

its all still new to me. the other facilitator that i am replacing lived and worked in these buildings for 6 years. its difficult to trust the people I work with as well. they will act one way towards you and than say other things behind your back. i hate the gossiping that is going around other co workers gossiping about my boss esp. its hard not to get sucked in but i mean i am really not the gossiping type really. only with people I know and trust. and a lot of the time its more venting than anything. gossip just fucks things up and it bites you in the ass in the end anyways. so i tread carefully about talking badly about my company or my bosses even though it seems as though co workers and tenants are trying to get me to engage in this kind of talk.

but the doormat comment really got to me lately and kind of gave me a boost in a a way, it charged me. maybe a little bit more than it should have. someone saying that to me makes me wonder just how passive I am and how assertive I should be. I felt like on the past days following I may have been a bit touchy bitchy because of it all.

anyways. not doing too much today just hanging out. sort of getting some creative inspiration. Today I made a lanyard for my keys its all blinged out I love it and am thinking about making a knitted cell phone case as well as a beaded eye glass holder necklace. all functional and fashionable.

nothing really on the love front. just fucking around a little too much lately. wanna slow down on the partying. money and energy is running out.