aug 28 2011

 i guess i am a bit pissed off at some people in my life. one that makes me the most angry is some girl I just pretty much met. the more i think about it the more it makes me angrier. But I know really in hindsight its best to just let it go for now. I dont trust or like the girl anymore and I want nothing to do with her as much as I can. 

I am pretty lonely I guess, but luckily the full effect of lonliness has not set in. My ex came over last night and we fooled around and he bought me a pizza. It was nice but I now know that nothing will ever come out of it. hes just a good friend thats all, I dont even know if I could really stand fooling around with him much. he invited me to wonderland next month and I really wanna go so I said yeah Id go with him and some friends. wish i could go sooner but whatever. 

One of my oldest and best friends never even acknowledged my bday. I know she has forgotten completely. Ill let it slide since she is usually ver thoughtful and she does like in Hali. 

My best guy friend has that gf and since she is pretty new still I think hes in the real honeymoon stage with her because I hardly hear from him. I miss him. 

All my other friends are kind of MIA. I never hear from them I will text them and never get a response and if I do its like three months later and its just hey…I mean how can you go that long or not even acknowlege a text from one of your oldest friends. I understand busy but I guess it just really hurts lately. I just feel very alone and sad that I dont feel like I am on anyones radar screen of life. Not a priority….

I guess the solutions is family,resignation and quiet alone time. I have been reading a book off and on. A Wives Tale, its not bad. But not interesting enough to keep my interest for very long. I might go to Chapters today and get a new book, my mom got me a gift card for chapters. Cause man are books expensive I dont get it 30 bucks for most new hardcover books? Unfortunately the only books I wanna buy are that expensive right now too…30 bucks is too much. I wish it was at least 20. I mean its pieces of paper with words written on them, brilliant words sometimes but words none the less.

I am seeing my dad tonight for my bday with my sister, should be nice I hope. 🙂

I guess I am semi down but also not completely depressed because I know I have my family,my health,my job and those are things that I am greatful and lucky to have. I am not just pulling at straws either. They genuinely keep me afloat. that and stand up comedy videos on youtube.