Earthquake

So apparently there was another earthquake here in Toronto.   Last year around this time we had one that I felt but this year I was in the shower so I didnt feel anything. It kind of scares me earthquakes sure they are kind of exciting and all but there is hardly much warning for them you just dont know how many you are going to get and how big they are going to get. But I guess I dont really care about the earhtquake this year because I didnt feel it this year. I was in the shower I wonder if that has anything to do with it?

Anyways I am getting ready to go out tonight with the fam, my bday is tomm and my sister bought tickets to Cirque De Soleil and we are going to dinner first. So I am excited. But kind of scared to eat such a big meal before hand esp since everything I eat lately seems to be making me sick. So thats bothering me a bit. i bought my trusted Pepto Bismo just in case. 🙂

A few nights ago a guy I have known for awhile and hook up with came over, It was fun and when I told him my bday was soon, he gave me 50 bucks for it. At first I was like no I cant…..I kind of felt like he was paying me for sex, but I accepted eventually because I really dont think he meant it that way. I mean we have been hooking up for years now I hardly think he would start wanting to pay me now.. He told me he has a gf but he is breaking up with her because she wants something more and he doesnt. I dont know I hadnt seen him in awhile because of that girlfriend thing and the other night he was all lovey with me it was nice even if it doesnt lead to anything. He wants me to come over to his place soon and cook with him. He actually seemed really happy to see me and wanted to cuddle and all that and couldnt stop kissing me. It was nice 🙂 I have always really liked him more but he always told me I am too young. hes 30 which isnt really that old….But hes going back to Portugal for a bit because his work permit is done and he has to get it re newed. Not much faith that anything will really happen with him but hes a good friend anyways. very sweet guy. and i dont see him often enough really to forge this deep connection or longing for him really.

I am seeing another guy kind of who I have fallen for but hes a bad boy. a thug a gangster. I know I shouldnt be around him really and have been thinking about just breaking it off its too dangerous for me in the long run. I know he doesnt see me that way although he treats me very sweetly. I just hate it because everytime I see him I have to go to this real shady buildings where his friends live and it scares me and as well as I work in these types of buildings and for one of them to recognize me would not be good. it could go back to my supervisor and they may think I am doing drugs too. Its sad to see all these people addicted to crack, they dont seem like really bad or scary people really. just lost desperate. I mean I wouldnt trust my purse around them but still I dont know. I mean I am sure there are a lot of them that are violent and all that but most that I see at work and all that see just really out of it and just scrounging. i feel crazy for putting myself in these situations. its just not worth the risk really and its not me….so thats something i really got to get myself away from i think. i just worry about myself. the things i will do to feel cared for even if its all false. the things i will do for a bit of excitement even if it is all quite dangerous.

I wish my birthday didnt land on a weekday but thats life. I am having a little party on the weekend at a park we are going to have cook out I think . it should be nice. 🙂 me and this other girl are trying to plan it. she wants me to like share in buying all the food for it though. its her bday too but i dont really have much money until the end of the month. I mean I will pitch for the cake and all that but it sucks to feel you gotta pay for your own bday. it was my original plan it was hers and than she knew it was my bday too so she said we should make it a joint thing. so i stupidly said yes so now  shes trying to plan it all and that but i just dont have the funds. I will have to text her and let her know i can only pitch for the cake. anyways my straighteners on and i am going to curl my hair with it.

ciao!