late night now date night

So I am going on an online date tonight well in real life but we met online. He lives down the street from me so we are going to this pub near my place. he seemed really nice on the phone and from what he told me about himself he seems cool. thing is i have only seen one pic and he looks good in it but I dont know if he will look as good in person. guys online have fooled me before. regardless i have told myself I will enjoy myself regardless of what happens. i get so nervous about these first date things. the chemistry the awkwardness alll that type of stuff;. its exhausting and tedious sometimes since its hard to find someone to really click with. but this guy seems to just wanna casually date and explore the city since he is originally from new york city and lately if that all it comes to exploring the city with someone even if its just as friends sounds good to me.

i went out last night to a club with this girl from this other website called meetup to try to make some new girlfriends in the city. she was a really sweet girl but kind of a bimbo i guess it was ok since we were at a club. i thought it was going to be just me and her but turns out her guy friend was there too it was good in a way cause it took the pressure off a bit. it was cool because it was bottle service and a booth both of which the guy friend paid for himself. you could tel all night that he was in love with the girl i just met. it was funny. i felt a little inadequate and this is why i dont visit clubs often and dont like to. she was all dressed up in heels tons of makeup and really revealing dress and i was wearing flats with a tube dress and i still felt frumpy almost. i just didnt feel as good looking as i thought she was gorgeous she got alot of attention from guys as well as her guy friends and on top of that even with wearing no heels I felt like a giant! everyone was so short compared to me and i felt fat compared to the other girls at the club. there was also this event going on a they had these models walking around in thong boy short things with bikini tops and while i would never wear that to a club i was kind of jealous because i know i could NEVER look that good in so little. i just find clubs bring up all my insecurities . i mean i feel so shallow and such like a girl for saying this but i just dont like the club scene for that.. other wise i had a great time dancing and by the end of the night getting a guy was the last thing on my mind really. its just like this battlefield a club sometimes and i know i take it all too seriously . all in all it wasnt too bad but its obvious i am pretty insecure about myself in those settings usually i feel quite confident in how i look and get more attention but when it comes to clubs i mean maybe i was getting attention i dont know its just my mind gets warped and i hate feeling like i have extra competition maybe. ugh i hate how i sound right now so vapid and insecure but i guess thats part of being a 23 year old girl in the city sometimes…