got my job back

so in a suprising turn of events yesterday I got a call to offer me the job back. the company found their own funding and can now budget me into the job still. YAY! I am still a bit nervous though, I was put through a lot and am really shocked that now everything is okay. I start next week. I am scared that I will hate the job or I wont be good at it or something and I will have gone through all the trouble to get the job than end up leaving it or getting fired or something. But there is not much I can do but try.

I told my sister who was my biggest supporter of me when I found out that I had lost the job but I havent heard from her yet. Its been a day now, either shes just really busy or doesnt think I should take the job but doesnt want to say anything about it. I dont know. I dont think she would be that passionate about it because it is my life obviously and she said to me if it happens that the job turns out it really is my choice whether I take it or not.

I dont know why but my sisters opinion matters so much to me. I hate that I care so much about other peoples approval but I guess I do and I just have to work on that.

I am doing a speech today which I wish I didnt have to do because i have to travel far for it and itll cost me money and two I will have to talk about my substance abuse which I am not doing well at maintaining right now, so i am still undecided about whether i should be truthful in my speech about it or sort of not mention it or outright lie. its to a group of parents with teens that are struggling with drug and substance abuse. blah. i think the most i should say it that its still a challenge in my life and something I am working on as I still am at this moment struggling with. i think its best to be honest without going into too much detail.