everything happens for a reason

everything happens for a reason, how tired am i of hearing this lately from my friends and family. i mean they mean well and really do believe it i think and it may or may not be true. but ugh. such a platitude right now. still kind of upset about not getting that job after it was ripped out of my hands after it being offered to me and i was to start this week.

i dont know i mean only time will tell and i hope something better will come along. it is so hard to believe anything will be because this was my only big break in awhile. i feel foolish for believing that this job could complete me or make me a better person. maybe thats the lesson there i dont know. i have to remeber that it had nothing to do with me that i didnt get the job. it was a logistics problem and nothing more basically. even if they offer me the job again i think this is a sign not to take it as it seems shady now. i reallly dont know how well i would have done it anyways it was a lot of responsibility. i  also didnt really think about the possbility that the job wasnt as great as i thought it would be. i really idealized it and may have been quite disapointed in the end when i realized it wasnt how i imagined it to be.

i am just kind of nervous because now i am not sure how to proceed with my life and my plans. i really dont know what type of job to apply for now or what to do with my life i dont know.

im trying to keep it all in perspective and try to shrug it off and move on which i know i will but i hope to do it sooner than later because i have let things like this destroy me before and i really dont want this to happen again. i deserve better. but this disapointment just makes me second guess everything right now. from the jobs i wsa applying to. to if i am really actually cut out for working. i havent had a stable job in YEARS. am i ready for the responsibility and commitment. i think i am but i think it really depends on the job. something low stress and part time for now until i guess stable in my mind and body.