Downer bear

The trapeze place is a huge warehouse of circus arts. It was AMAZING. Everywhere you look there’s something interesting to look at. It was rad. emeraldcitytrapeze.com – check it out. Seriously.

Turns out, Natalee signed us up for not trapeze, but aerial class. Which consisted of the ribbons (silks) that the teeny tiny women climb up and roll down from… you know what I’m talking about. We did several tricks and I was impressed with my ability to follow the steps (thanks gymnastics).

I AM SO SORE FROM IT. Yesterday my stomach and arms and pecs were on fire. I couldn’t even laugh without wincing in pain. IT WAS AWESOME.

And because I don’t do anything half-assed (moderation? what?!) I decided to get back into yoga because I need to get my skillz back. I’m going today, tomorrow and Thursday. That, combined with my physically demanding second job, and I should be good to go. Like, beyond good to go.

Yoga is so amazing…. I can’t believe I have gone so long without it. I miss it and I need to do it like all the time. It makes me more flexible, stronger, calmer, happier, centered, focused.

The weekend was good. Friday was obvs the aerials class, Saturday I came in and cleaned the office REALLY well because I haven’t really done a good job at it lately, and Sunday I went to my mom’s and did 6 loads of laundry (!!!!!!) and then went to sleep at 9:30p. It was glorious.

Notice… I did not go out/drink at all. Saturday I was actually craving some sort of alcoholic beverage, specifically a bloody mary, but I didn’t feel like leaving my apartment. I actually canceled plans with Will because I was so exhausted and lazy. And I didn’t want to see him. ….

So instead I smoked helllla weed and ordered a pizza and watched TV and went to bed early. Perfect Saturday…. I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had a lazy weekend in so long. I NEED MY LAZY WEEKENDS. That’s what they’re for. For recuperating, rejuvenating. If I’m running around all the time trying to see everyone and do everything and obligations galore, then I don’t get the effect I needed.

Because I canceled plans with Will, I felt the need to reschedule so he didn’t think I was completely blowing him off. I have class. So I asked if he wanted to go out for happy hour this Friday. That gives me 5 more days to figure out how I’m going to gently cut the romantic ties and hopefully salvage some part of the friendship (or not?) and not hurt his feelings. I know that it’s best to go with the truth and whatever comes to mind, which I’m actually really good at, but it doesn’t hurt to have a game plan or an angle. I can’t exactly tell him the truth. “The things that annoyed me then still annoy me now.” But the bottom line is that I feel like we’re picking up where we left off, which isn’t a good place. That’s why we broke up in the first place.

 I did most of my christmas shopping yesterday. I did the innernet way. Because it’s easy and whatever. Christmas just is not the gleeful holiday it used to be, mostly because my grandma isn’t around anymore. Her presence on this earth made holidays better. You wouldn’t think that one person would make that much of a difference, but it makes all the difference in the world. I think we all feel it, so none of us are super excited anymore. My mom hasn’t even started decorating, which is usually the first thing that happens after Thanksgiving. The Destiny business didn’t help.

Work is really bumming me out. Last week was terrible. My morale is so low I can’t even see it anymore. Our holiday party is on Saturday, at which I will be the only person without a plus 1. Even the guy getting a divorce is bringing a plus 1. Explain that one to me. To refresh, I wasn’t permitted to bring a plus 1 because I’m not dating anyone and they asked for the ‘significant other’ to be particularly significant, which doesn’t really work for my situation. I have no one. So fucked up.

Combined with the fact I haven’t gotten my review meeting, and I feel completely defeated. I’m losing steam and struggling to stay afloat. With my coworkers because such huge bitches, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I would work on my resume but I don’t have a laptop. Failfailfail.