Break her face

I had a dream last night that C came over and brought me 6 types of pizza and several calendars (?), then we made out and he seemed overly excited and scared and all I could think while dream-kissing him was, ‘wait till I tell OD about this….’

On Wednesday night I met up with Jason at a work function at this shitty bar. Immediately I was overwhelmed by the level of intoxicatedness by everyone. I was driving so I abstained for the most part and only had one vodka soda in a tall glass and a shitty American cheese grilled cheese.

Left to go to my sister’s birthday party. I knew Will was going to be there, but there were tons of others that I was excited to see and hang out with.

We went to a karaoke bar and everyone was singing and dancing and I was making a concious effort to keep my distance from Will due to the fact that he still hadn’t solidified or made any effort to make plans for our ‘date’ on Friday (today). So I was social-butterflying and I could feel his eyes on me all the time.

My sister was drunker than I have ever seen her which is saying so much. It’s because now she’s on anti-psychotics and alcohol mixed with them creates a crazy combination.

I spent a lot of the night making sure she didn’t fall and break her face.

I danced my ass off and drank minimally and had a great time… Except at one point I looked over at Will and he was dancing with some girl. She was freaking up on him and I was immediately hateful of her. Then, they disappeared. I have no idea where they went, they weren’t outside smoking and they were gone for quite some time. I was heated. Telling people I thought he was off making out with her, etc.

Needless to say I was not pleased.

However, earlier in the night I told Will I’d give him a ride home, so off we went. He invited me in to see his apartment and meet his cat. His apartment is pretty big but there is nothing about it that I find charming or classy or desirable. He has gadgets everywhere and a huge tv and guitars and laptops iPads video games etc, but nothing of substance. His walls were stark white and it seemed so bare.

We sat on his couch and drank a beer and talked. I told him about my thoughts on him dancing with that chick and he said nothing happened…. Well… I don’t believe him but it’s not fair for me to judge too much because I’ve made out with two dudes since I’d seen him last.

We talked about a lot, about how he feels like I am ‘the one who got away’ and everyone since me has fallen so short of what we had. Well, ditto.

He kissed me and we kissed and then I had a weird feeling and stopped so we could talk more. I can’t even remember all that we talked about. It was a blurry mix of confessions and admiration and truth. He had been drinking a lot more than I had, so he seemed a lot looser with his declarations, whereas I was more reserved and I even felt a little uncomfortable being in his apartment where he’s had so many girls since me. I know it’s not healthy or fair thinking that way but it just happened.

I was tired and was scared to drive home after drinking 2 beers at his apartment, so I stayed. The night. We had some pretty heavy action in bed until 5:30 in the morning…. He was so into it and I had a hard time getting out of my head. We never took it too far except I was not wearing any clothes and neither was he and sex could’ve easily happened, but I just can’t go there yet. Especially since it’s not like he’s been trying overly hard to get me back. I think that’s what bothers me the most, and I even told him that earlier during our conversation.

The next morning was thanksgiving and I’d had 3.5 hours of sleep but was able to take a shower, put on a happy face and thank god I didn’t have a hangover because that would’ve sucked.

I helped cook all day and watched football and chatted with family. My sister walked in looking like a homeless person, unshowered with ripped jeans, a flannel and nasty stringy hair under a beanie. No makeup. It was not pretty.

I was scrambling to get all the food to the table when everyone was sitting down, and by the time I made it tothe table, there were no spots left. So, I sat at the kids table and was none too pleased about it. There were 16 people total and about 12 of those 15 did absolutely nothing to help with dinner or setting up, so yeah I was pissed.

Plus, I had no appetite. I had a half a slice of Tofurkey and some spaetzel and that’s it.

All in all it was a lovely day and I love to cook, even meat products, and I tasted the gravy I made from scratch. The first meat thing I’ve tasted since last year’s gravy tasting at thanksgiving. You can’t make gravy without tasting it.

so tonight is the date with Will. I shall keep you posted. I am not 100% sure how I feel about it all. So fickle.

Oh, so Wednesday Jason told me that despite having a girlfriend, he still has dirty thoughts about me. He was insanely drunk so I do realize that was a factor but I’m like, really?! He also said I was very pretty. I do believe that’s my favorite compliment. I’ve always been called ‘cute’ but I think with longer hair, I transformed into being pretty. Rad.

Anyway, I’m so thankful for so many things and have been so happy lately. I really can’t ask for any more than what is already in my life. I lack nothing and love everything.