On overcoming marriage

Uh, a couple weeks ago during my weekend of drunkeness, I signed myself up for a soccer team. I just got the team email with the details. I remember volunteering for this, but now I’m a little hesitant. OH WELL, it will be fun. I’ve never played soccer before. Actually, I went to a week soccer camp when I was 14 and they put me with the 11 year olds. That really made me feel good. Especially since I’m an allstar at the sports I do play.

This means I need proper soccer shoes. Cleats, if you will. Secondhand sports store, here I come.

A few things happening here…. I’ll start with the minor first.

I’m selling the approx 700 records I have to some dude on Craigslist. I’m including the turntable because even though I REALLY WANTED a record player, the thing has been sitting collecting dust because I don’t have the proper equipment to make it work. Like a “power amp” – wtf is a power amp? This is boys’ stuff.

Because I have a rational fear of a Craigslist Killer, I recruited Katie to be there when Craigslist dude comes to view my millions of records tonight. I literally have 8 medium moving boxes full of records. It’s intense. And there’s a wonderful Seattle rainstorm happening right now, so if dude decides to buy them, he’s going to have to schlep them down my 3 flights of outdoor stairs in the rain. I told him this.

Issue #2, as we’re increasing in issue intensity:

In my hastiness to lock down an apartment last week, I put down a ‘holding deposit’ of $300 on the smaller, more expensive apartment I viewed. Then, as we recall, I decided I didn’t want to move anymore. Well, dude that I gave the $300 holding deposit to says he won’t give it back. (!!!!!) $300 fucking dollars for 4 days of holding? $300 is like …. so much money to me. I sent him some strategically-worded emails and then checked my bank account, he hadn’t deposited the check yet. So I put a stop payment on it. SUCK IT.

I’m still waiting for a bitch email about the whole issue but WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?!

Issue #3, the biggest of all:

My mom called me last night. I sensed that she was going to give me some bad news, so I braced myself…. We talked for an hour and a half. It turns out, the news itself isn’t bad, from my perspective. It’s been a long time coming. But my mom was so absolutely heartbroken, she was crying and sobbing and is so hurt.

She started by telling me a relatively detailed account of the last week, as it has to do with the family. Long story short, my step-dad and Destiny went behind my mom’s back and lied to her. It was so stupid, my step-dad, Casey, drove Destiny to a midnight showing of a movie and they both lied about it the next day.

Now, here’s the thing…. Casey cheated on my mom two years ago. Had a whole 6 month affair while my mom was grieving the loss of her mother, my grandmother, the biggest loss of all of our lives. My mom found out by looking through Casey’s texts and emails. Immediately she kicked him out of the house and planned a divorce.

The divorce got pushed to the side, because money won over love, to my mom. She didn’t want to give up her possessions. My parents have a LOT of money…. which is hard to part with. And the money is what has kept my mom with Casey for 17 years. That’s literally the only thing. Money was the most important thing to her.

They’ve continued on with their broken marriage; Casey thinks that what he calls “The Affair” is way over and had minor effect on everyone. But it had a huge effect. It crushed any amount of trust my mom had in him, and shattered any remaining faith I had in marriage. I think marriage is a fucking joke.

And then we have Destiny, who was sent away to a youth camp in the Utah Mountains last year because she was a liar and had no moral compass. She betrayed my mom several times before she was sent away, and since. She has absolutely no guilt.

Now, Casey and Destiny buddy up any time they have something against my mom.

The point of the story….. is that my mom is realizing that she is empty. Money doesn’t fill unhappiness. She wants to feel loved, she wants trust, honesty, respect. The values that really make any relationship or friendship. Her husband does not give her the necessary fundamentals for a healthy marriage.

My mom is so strong, so against showing emotion… it was soul-crushing to hear her cry her eyes out to me on the phone. When she cries, I KNOW it’s serious. I know it’s gut-wrenching for her. She can’t sleep, she can’t eat.

She says she is going to take the steps to detach, to separate, and get her ‘affairs’ in order (no pun intended). She needs to have a plan for the future, financially and practically. She’s hiring a lawyer and will go from there.

I felt terrible that she was so upset, but I can’t say that I’m not completely relieved that she’s making this decision. I hated that she was with Casey for money. Hated it. That’s not a good model of marriage for her kids. And it’s completely transparent, everyone knows that she is with him for the money. It’s so shallow.

She can put on a happy face, but I know she’s not happy. She’s so lonely, even though she has Casey and Destiny around her constantly. I told her that it’s easy to feel lonely when the people you have around you aren’t lifting you up.

I just…. hope she follows through. I can’t really tell you how many times I’ve heard her say that she was considering divorcing Casey. Each time I feel relieved, and then resentful when it never happens.

Marriage. Pssh.