Tool shed

Yesterday when I was getting my apartment ready to be viewed by prospective new tenants, I realized I did not want to move. First of all, my landlord said that she was going to fix the noise issue for the next tenant. Okay, so if you’re going to fix it for some unknown person, why wouldn’t you fix it for me?! Second, I fucking love that apartment. It’s so perfect for me. The one I applied for was smaller and more expensive and looked out at the parking lot…. my apartment now has a view of like 3 districts in Seattle and the Cascade mountains. So, I can’t really ask for much more than that.

I felt like an idiot emailing my landlord and being like “NEVERMIND!” but I did it anyway, because do you know how god damn annoying it is to move?! Especially if it’s a mistake. Then it’s excruciating. Plus it was going to be like $1700 down which means everyone would be getting $5 gifts from me this year for Christmas.

Landlord was like, “Um, okay…” but it has to be a relief to her, right? I mean, this way she doesn’t have to go through all the mess of finding a new tenant and doing all the shit that needs to be done in those cases. Man, moving is not cool.

Oh, so, yesterday morning, I texted Will and asked him if he had plans for the evening. I am so impatient…. it’s been nearly TWO WEEKS since we hung out last time and I just don’t like waiting around. If he doesn’t want to see me, then he should tell me, but damn it if I’m going to sit around and wait for it to happen. So I asked and he said, “Yeah I already have plans” ……

I looked at that text and was like, “Well, that’s it. That’s the end. I had my hopes up and went through all of this for nothing. This should be a lesson to me.” But once again, never one to lay down and not go right for the point, I texted “Okay…. well…. I’m not sick anymore and I was hoping we could get together again. Is that still something you want to or no….” And as soon as I sent it I just had this feeling of dread because I am NO LONGER in control of this situation. I’m giving all the decision power to him.

He replied, “I do want to, how about after Thanksgiving?” Not exactly the answer I was looking for, but I responded, “Okay. I’m going to stop bothering you now and you can let me know when you have a free moment.” Immediately I was reminded of our relationship, me always trying to get something out of him by manipulating and acting hurt and weak. I was stressing at this point. AND THEN….

He texted, “No no, I don’t want you to think I’m blowing you off, I do want to see you! It’s just… I have a zit on my face and it’s kind of embarrassing 🙁 So I just wanted to wait a couple days…” HAHA…haha…. Jesus I need to calm the fuck down.

So we texted back and forth a bit and all seems to be well.

Then Paco started FB messaging me and for some reason I don’t have the balls to be like, “Dude, I’m not into it.” But dude, I’m not into it. I’ve got my eye on the prize here, and you ain’t it. He was like, “I finally have a cell phone!” ….. welcome to being a human.

The firefighter business…. that was really something, wasn’t it? Kind of a boost to my ego. A hot fireman wanted ME. Too bad he was a tool. Not even just a tool, but an entire tool shed full of tools. Not to stereotype, but that’s part of the reason I’ve never been attracted to overly muscular types of guys, there seems to be an insatiable need to dominate but in all the wrong ways. I am all about the domination, but in the appropriate manner. When you’re pinning a girl down in the backseat of your car despite her constant attempts to get away from you, that’s probably not appropriate. Just saying. Also not appropriate, PLACING MY HAND ON YOUR DICK. Douche lord.

Besides, I think he was like 38. When you’re hot and a firefighter and 38 years old, the only reason you’re still single is because you can’t get it together in the personality department.

Uh. What else. I woke up this morning. and weighed 2 pounds more than I did yesterday. Water weight, yes, but I want that water to go away because I was digging my 10 pound weight loss. 8 just doesn’t sound as cool. I’m near my pre-Vegas weight, and am doing things to keep it there. I only eat twice a day, usually. Yesterday I had 3 eggs for breakfast, and a footlong veggie sub from subway (without cheese or fattening condiments) for dinner, and a chocolate chip cookie. Maybe I should do the “What I ate today” portion of entries like I used to. Now I just use myfitnesspal and it logs it all for me.

Need to get my ass into the gym.

Nojomo is wearing on me, I need it to be December now.