Baby jesus

I’m running out of interesting things to say.

I went to dinner with my mom last night, for her birthday. A wonderful family-owned Italian restaurant. The traffic fucking blew getting there and it took my an hour. I hate traffic. I don’t hate it as much as those assholes that weave in and out of lanes even though cars are basically STOPPED. Not getting you anywhere, buddy.

Destiny was there too. She alternates between being quiet and letting the ‘grown ups’ do their own thing, to saying things about herself that don’t pertain to the topic at hand and are out of place and self-centered. Teenagers.

My mom is still obsessed with crazy sister Mandy and her progress. “She is doing SO much better.” Yeah, you say that every time I talk to you. We all know she’s doing better. Meanwhile she’s in Hawaii where I should be. Okay so maybe teenagers aren’t the only self-centered ones.

I got my mom two cards. One says, “You are a good mom.” and on the inside, “That is all.” I learned long ago not to write sappy things in her cards because a) she doesn’t do ‘feelings’ and b) she hardly reads them. She just glances and closes the card. The second card said, “I’m pregnant.” And on this inside I wrote, “Just kidding. =P” I figured NOT being pregnant was as good a gift as any.

For her real gift, I am getting her and my sister (her bday is soon too) mani/pedi gift cards at this really posh place by my apartment, and I figured the three of us could go and make a little event of it.

So, my thoughts on going out with Will tonight. I’m slightly nervous. I weigh a LOT more now than I did when I was with him or any time ever in my life, actually…. the good news is my face looks good and my hair looks good and I always have my personality to fall back on.

I have these thoughts that pop into my head every once in awhile that he was the one. That I’ll never find with anyone else what I had with him. That I could easily go back to those feelings with him. That everything in between our relationship and now has been fail after fail. But would I want to go back? Circles are for drawing, not for living. Looking forward is how I try to live my life.

A couple months ago, I read entries from the beginning of our relationship to the end, and while yes, he had some issues, I also did. Like, major ones. I just tried SO HARD to be perfect and I had expectations for him to do the same. He fell short of those expectations on many levels, with communication, chores, meeting me halfway, respecting my feelings when I wasn’t all about fun and happiness.

I’ve grown so much since then. I’m more tolerant, more focused on the ‘big picture’ … not just the things that are in front of my face. I can’t say how I’d react to the same issues at this point… but I don’t think the same issues would be issues at this point. Oh who am I to know.

I’m getting too far ahead of myself. Nothing’s happened yet. I do not even know if I would be attracted to him at this point. Okay now I need to stop talking about it.

I wrote G back and said, “Hey there. Are you aware there is someone masquerading around as you on Capitol Hill? He is your twin. I’m doing grand. Working a lot, playing a lot. How’re things with you?”

I didn’t mention that, but I saw someone at a coffee shop a couple weeks ago that looked EXACTLY like G. From the hat, to face, to facial hear, to shirt, to tan rolled-up carharts, to bike shoes, to bike bag, to bike. They were fucking identical and it blew my mind. I stared at him for about 30 seconds while he was standing in front of me in line. He probably thought I was interested. They even stood the same. Same stature. Ridiculous.

He wrote back and said that he’s living in my neighborhood now. Like, WTF. With his girlfriend. Baby Jesus why hath thou forsaken me.

I’ll probably see him out and about some night and feel queasy at the sight.

OH and icing on this cake, there is a 99% chance I will see C tonight because he will be working at the bar/venue the show is at tonight. “C, this is Will, the Great Ex. Will, this is C, the dude I have a mad crush on and had sex with.” ….. Probably not the best way to approach it.