Downer Days
Yesterday was an okay day. I had my final in the morning, which wasn’t horrible. I did my assignment afterwards which I couldn’t quite figure out how to answer. I was flattered 3 different times yesterday after work which was kind of nice. First, the dish-washer basically indirectly asked me out. It was flattering…but no way in hell would i EVER. Then when I went out with Rachel and Shannon, I found out that Shannon’s friend really likes me. One….he actually told me. Apparently he was supposed to text me to tell me to come out but he chickened out, so I asked for his number and wanted to give him shit about it and texted him "so apparently you were supposed to text me to come out 😛 I feel so unloved" and his response was "My bad. lol. I don’t know what the protocol is on when you should text a woman you like. But you should most definitely not feel unloved ;)" That sort of made my night. I don’t like him and don’t find him attractive. I think he’s a very cool person, but not attracted whatsoever… but it just felt good. And a gay guy told me I was very beautiful at the bar when I showed up in just plain old clothes. Again….good flattery night. But I ended up being the 3rd wheel when out with my friends and just wasn’t having a good time, so I went home.
This morning I woke up way too late, and also from a very realistic fucked up dream. Tim, Darlene, and the boss of a company I was supposed to turn down a job to, were all in it, as well as family. Honestly, the dream seemed like it could’ve been a movie. I can picture it clearly but it’s not something I could explain. In this movie, though, the boss guy, Mark, was the bad guy/evil character. All of this did have to do with just real life things though. I have to tell something important to Tim, and I had to turn down the job from Mark, and then the Darlene thing…I had no idea until I went onto FL. I did turn down the job just about an hour ago and the guy made me feel really bad and really guilty. I understand that he’s upset about it. I was supposed to show up Monday and I called him today, Saturday. I wanted to call him yesterday but he wasn’t available and his excuse was "well, yesterday wasn’t Tuesday." I was sort of excited about the job on Tuesday, but as I thought about it…as good as the money is… 1. I don’t want to work 2 jobs over fall and I don’t want to quit Bamboo if I don’t have to, and 2. this is my last FREE summer. After this, I’m going to be working a full time job with only vacation and sick days. This is my last 6 or 7 weeks of freedom and I don’t want to throw it away by working full time at one job and part time at another. I understand money is important, and I’m going to be broke as shit as soon as I get out of school, but no matter what those loans will be there, whether I have money now or not. So, I vote time and freedom over making good money doing something I don’t really like…and that’s my 3rd point…I’m not interested in the activitiies of the job. It’s basically putting together saws and polishing them and cutting the blade…I’m not interested in that line of work whatsoever and I’m not going to work a job I don’t like for good money. That’s supposed to come when I get older. haha. Right now I have a job that I actually do like, even if I don’t like my manager, and I work with people I like, and now that i can pick up hours, I will basically be making the same amount of money as I would at that other job.
I still feel bad about turning it down so late. He bitched at me a little, and I’ll be honest, I’m a wimp when it comes to being bitched at. I don’t like doing things wrong and I don’t like feeling like I did something wrong. Whether it’s because I got yelled at or because I did something wrong, either way in the end I feel like crying, and usually do. I almost did, but I started doing some "window shopping" online looking at shoes so that helped. Damn, I’m such a girl now sometimes. Anyways, I’m still emotionally down, and I’m having a crappy period (WARNING TMI, skip now) ….. I started early, I’m cramping which normally doesn’t happen, and it’s a lot…heavier and messier than usual.
I just want to be snuggled, loved, and feel taken care of right now. Wish I had a cuddle buddy.
Can’t wait for Justin to come.