The Bad Guy

[10:44] Bobby Shoemaker: Could you look up an extended stay hotel that has high speed internet for me, Im blocked out
[10:45] rneelyiss: Yeah, hold on.  Why did you get mad at me this morning?
[10:46] Bobby Shoemaker: That message wasnt for you. It went to the wrong contact.
[10:46] rneelyiss: Oh.
[10:46] Bobby Shoemaker: Besides, I need to get away for awhile
[10:47] Bobby Shoemaker: I dont think that you understand
[10:47] rneelyiss: I guess I don’t.
[10:47] Bobby Shoemaker: But if you asked I could try to explain
[10:47] rneelyiss: Extended StayAmerica Colorado Springs – West
 5855 Corporate Dr.
 Colorado Springs, CO  80919
 Telephone: (719) 266-4206
 Fax: (719) 266-4265
 csw@extendedstay.com
[10:47] Bobby Shoemaker: They just gave us an amount on how much we are supposed to make a month or we get fired
[10:48] rneelyiss: Really?  That’s odd.
[10:48] Bobby Shoemaker: Not in this business
[10:48] Bobby Shoemaker: I can uderstand
[10:48] Bobby Shoemaker: from where they are coming from
[10:48] Bobby Shoemaker: 7500
[10:48] Bobby Shoemaker: that is the target
[10:48] rneelyiss: $7500 in loans?  That’s not much is it?
[10:49] Bobby Shoemaker: $7500 in commision honey
[10:49] rneelyiss: Oh.
[10:49] rneelyiss: sorry.
[10:49] rneelyiss: Is that a lot?
[10:49] Bobby Shoemaker: multiply that by 12 and you get a pretty good number
[10:49] rneelyiss: Yeah, that’s true.
[10:49] Bobby Shoemaker: its more than you make’
[10:50] rneelyiss: Here’s an Amerisuites:
[10:50] rneelyiss: 503 W. Garden of the Gods Road
 Colorado Springs, CO 80907
 (719) 265-9385 
[10:50] Bobby Shoemaker: They have the internet
[10:50] Bobby Shoemaker: ?
[10:50] rneelyiss: Oh, I forgot to look for that.  Hold on.
[10:50] Bobby Shoemaker: So too busy huh
[10:51] Bobby Shoemaker: LOL
[10:51] rneelyiss: No, just frazzled.  Just got out of a meeting.
[10:51] Bobby Shoemaker: we did too
[10:52] rneelyiss: Yeah, Amerisuites has free Wi-Fi.
[10:52] Bobby Shoemaker: holy shit my neck is fucked up
[10:52] Bobby Shoemaker: I still would like to stay at the apartment some nights, seeing as I paid for this month already
[10:53] Bobby Shoemaker: and spend one or two nights with you
[10:53] rneelyiss: That’s fine with me.  I can also pay you back for nights you don’t stay, too.
[10:53] rneelyiss: Looks like Extended Stay America has Wi-Fi, too, but it doesn’t say whether or not it’s free.
[10:54] Bobby Shoemaker: Im not concerned about the money
[10:54] Bobby Shoemaker: and you know that
[10:54] Bobby Shoemaker: Im trying for the other
[10:54] rneelyiss: Well, I just know that it’s not fair to keep the money when you don’t stay.  I’m not concerned about the money, either.

[11:10] Bobby Shoemaker: There isnt a whole lot that you are concerned about is there?
[11:10] rneelyiss: What do you mean?
[11:10] Bobby Shoemaker: That you dont have any concerns, is what I mean
[11:10] Bobby Shoemaker: Life is great and you are happy so, that is what I mena
[11:10] Bobby Shoemaker: mean
[11:10] Bobby Shoemaker: shit
[11:11] rneelyiss: Life isn’t great, but I don’t have any concerns about being able to survive this, if that is what you mean.
[11:12] rneelyiss: Is that what you meant?
[11:13] Bobby Shoemaker: No, I know that you are going to survive, and it would seem that you didnt think about the question I asked you for very long.
[11:14] Bobby Shoemaker: And that for some reason is why I am starting to get….I dont know, I feel like Im beating a dead horse
[11:15] rneelyiss: Well, Bobby, I don’t know what you want me to say anymore.  You keep asking me the same questions, and I keep giving you the same answers.  I just don’t know what you want me to say or do at this point.
[11:16] Bobby Shoemaker: And what is that question?
[11:17] rneelyiss: You keep asking questions about how I’m going to feel in the future, how can my feelings change… 
[11:19] Bobby Shoemaker: By what I have been doing and showing you that I mean it. Plus with the absence of presence is a way. And as far as that goes, I already said that not giving me another shot after I have not been around you all the time, would be something that would not a justice to either of us. That is what I said to you last night and you had no rebutle
[11:21] rneelyiss: I’m going to be away from my computer awhile, so I’ll talk to you later.
[11:22] Bobby Shoemaker: Whatever

[12:13] Bobby Shoemaker: Im done with work
[12:13] rneelyiss: Already?
[12:14] Bobby Shoemaker: no, I mean  Im done, gone
[12:14] rneelyiss: You quit?!
[12:14] Bobby Shoemaker: Not yet
[12:14] rneelyiss: Um, okay…
[12:15] Bobby Shoemaker: There is no reason for me to be here any longer
[12:15] rneelyiss: What are you going to do?  Go back to TN?
[12:15] Bobby Shoemaker: I guess so
[12:16] rneelyiss: I hate to see you give up  the chance to make a life here.  But if you don’t think you’re going to be happy here, then I guess that’s the right thing to do.
[12:17] Bobby Shoemaker: Well, I cant see myself being somewhere so close to someone I thought I could trust and this job is not what I thought it would be
[12:20] Bobby Shoemaker: Im not getting any training, you wont give me a chance or you a chance, you made up your mind, and that is very shitty of you. I cant blame you for that, but to not allow that is the worst part about it. I cant honestly say that you want to be my friend. You dont act like it. Im tired of feeling like shit, not worthy, disappointing, and not able
[12:20] Bobby Shoemaker: I feel like shit all around.,
[12:21] Bobby Shoemaker: and all I can hear you saying to yourself is,"Oh well."
[12:21] Bobby Shoemaker: Im going to the apartment. I have alot to think about

still
[12:22] Bobby Shoemaker: Think about how I fucked this all up and make sure that I dont do that again
[12:22] Bobby Shoemaker: in the future
[12:22] Bobby Shoemaker: Bye
[12:23] Bobby Shoemaker: Stop typing
[12:23] Bobby Shoemaker: I dont want to see or read it
[12:23] rneelyiss: I’m sorry.  I’m sorry that things have turned out like this.  I do want to be your friend, but every time we talk, you push and push for me to feel something that I don’t feel.  I don’t want you to feel like shit.  I’m very proud of how far you’ve come this month, and I just want you to stay on that path.  And of course I don’t just think "Oh well".  Don’t be ridiculous.
[12:23] Bobby Shoemaker: You have done your work well
[12:24] rneelyiss: what’s that supposed to mean?
[12:24] Bobby Shoemaker: You have finished me off and I feel nothing inside anymore
[12:24] Bobby Shoemaker: just shame and shit
[12:25] rneelyiss: How could you say something like that?  You think I WANTED this to happen?  You think I WANTED either of us to feel this way?
[12:25] Bobby Shoemaker: You dont feel anything remember. You have the lack of that.
[12:25] rneelyiss: My point exactly.
[12:25] Bobby Shoemaker: you have already said that
[12:25] Bobby Shoemaker: So you have no pain
[12:25] Bobby Shoemaker: so dont say that you do
[12:25] Bobby Shoemaker: its bullshit
[12:26] Bobby Shoemaker: I dont know what you wanted. It certainly wasnt me
[12:29] rneelyiss: You’re turning this around into what you think you want to hear, because you think it will make you feel better.  You know that’s not how this happened.  I wanted you, the guy I fell in love with back in TN. 
[12:30] rneelyiss: When you turned into someone else, those feelings of desire left me.  I can’t help that.
[12:30] rneelyiss: I’m not going to fight with you about this.
[12:30] Bobby Shoemaker: That is just it you wierdo, I am that guy, but you dont want to see that
[12:31] Bobby Shoemaker: Who said anything about fighting
[12:31] rneelyiss: I feel like you’re trying to pick a fight with me.
[12:31] Bobby Shoemaker: I have shown you and shown you, I am that guy. But you dont want to believe it
[12:32] rneelyiss: It’s not that I don’t believe it.  I just don’t feel the same way that I did.  I’m sorry for that.

As you can all see, I apparently had breaking his heart in my plans all along.  I am officially the "bad guy."  Cheers to me.

My mom sent me an email a few minutes ago.  I’ve told her all about the situation because she went through something remarkably similar with the guy that she married for a total of five days.  She sent me the song lyrics to a Kimberly Locke song.  She heard it on the radio during her lunch break, and it made her think of me.

I could pretend to love you,
And be someone else for awhile.
Make you believe your the one that i want,
Give you my heart in diguise,
I could be all you wanted
Make all your dreams come true, yeah
Surrender my love
At the feet of your will
And live out your fantasy for you,

And you would be happy,
And I’d make you smile
And I’d go on living a lie,

But do you really want,
To give your life to,
Thinking you’ve found true love,
When it hasn’t found you?

Do you really want,
To give your life to,
Thinking you’ve found true love,
When it hasn’t found you?

I could make you a promise,
And be all you want me to be.
Give you my hand as we walk down the aisle
So you could live happily.

And you would be happy,
And I’d make you smile
But I’d go on living a lie

But do you really want
To give your life to,
Thinking you’ve found true love,
When it hasn’t found you?

Do you really want
To give your life to,
Thinking you’ve found true love,
When it hasn’t found you?

Cause this is not
What i had planned
I hoped one day that you will understand,
If i could take
This heart i broke
And say i love you honey,
If i could.

But do you really want
To give your life to,
Thinking you’ve found true love,
When it hasn’t found you?

I could be the one to hold you,
And i could be the one you need,
But i could never be the one
To give you everything.

I could be the one to hold you,
And i could be the one you need,
But i could never be the one
To give you everything.

Do you really want
To give your life to,
Thinking you’ve found true love,

Do you really want
To give your life to,
Thinking you’ve found true love,
When it hasn’t found you?

Do you really want
To give your life to,
Thinking you’ve found true love,
When it hasn’t found you?

When it hasn’t found you?

Felina