Things I hate

Sorry, Gerber. That baby is real cute and all, and you have some of the most affordable baby items in existence, but I really hate you right now. These plastic pants have microscopic leg holes and are baggy everywhere else. Your cloth diapers are tiny, stupid, and non-absorbent.

I also hate me and my clumsiness. I have spent all morning trying to figure out how to properly fold and pin a diaper, and nothing is working. Also, 2.0 does not appreciate being a guinea pig, which means diaper changes just got WAY MORE FUN. I have compared her to a coked-up octopus before. The comparison still holds.

And YOU, Internet! You are no help! Tutorials, diagrams, instructions, videos, they all assume the baby will just lie there, docile and content, perfectly still. Where are they giving out babies like this? I want one! Even The Child, who is one of the most docile children I’ve ever known, was not that still for any diaper change ever until about the age of 18 months.

Oh, yes, I know all about Snappis. I want some. I covet them. Which brings me to the next thing I hate: Babies R Us. You are stupid and you have a stupid face. One tiny aisle dedicated to the lousiest cloth diapering supplies ever made, and all you have are pins. Given the not-so-recent trend toward cloth diapering, I think it’s high time you got with the program.

And YOU. You people who say old-school cloth diapering it so EASY and SIMPLE and LA DE DA. You lie. You lie, and do you know what happens every time you lie? A baby cat dies. That’s what. Think on it.

UPDATE: I still hate Gerber, but I’m no longer so stymied by pinning. I got some bars of soap out, stuck them in old socks, and use them for pincushions. The pins go in much easier now.

I also decided to ditch the prefolds. They make me too crazy. Instead, I’m just using flat fabric and using the origami fold. I fold them ahead of time and keep them in the drawer under the changing table. I think I will try the kite fold next. It will better contain 2.0’s more enthusiastic output.

Those diaper covers, though… Tomorrow I get a vacation from kids. The Guy, may his name be praised, is kicking me out of the house for most of tomorrow and all of Saturday. I will be childfree until Sunday morning. Did you hear those angels singing? No? That’s because they weren’t angels. They were me. And I sometimes sing off key. I love my kids, and I want a million more, but it has been more than two years without a real break. I’ve had evenings out, but that’s it.

Anyway, I am going to go to a real diaper store, not Babies R Us (which I also still hate), and I am going to find some Snappis and some diaper covers that are easier to work with. With the kids wearing at least two layers at all times, it really stinks (hah! pun!) to have to remove two pairs of pants just to get the diaper cover off. Meanwhile, the wet diaper is soaking into either the new diaper or the changing pad. Not a good system.

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