07/07/2012

My whole routine has been off all week. Between having Wednesday offf, and the girl here more or less the whole week… yeah. So I caught up on my bookmarks, scrolled quickly through facebook, checked emails, replied to a couple.

So… where to start. Uh… hmm.

Work. Work is… oi. The past couple weeks I’ve been pulling 50-55 hour weeks. This week, since we had the paid holiday, I refused overtime. I’d have to work 8 hours (since the 8 hours holiday pay does not count towards overtime hours), and then work extra past that. Screw that. Could I have worked all day today, and tomorrow? Sure. Am I? Hell no. I’m so tired of work. It’s not my fault that we keep getting tight deadlines. Everyone else can bust ass working over 60 hours a week, but not me. I’m taking the weekend to myself. The past two weeks I’ve been in the remote lot, so it’s a bitch to have to park half a mile away, walk to work, and then scramble to leave at 5 so I can get a ride to my car. And I am not coming back after I get my car. I get in my car, and I drive home. I can’t make myself go back into work. But now I’m back in the normal lot, so I can get in a little bit earlier, and I’ll alternate with WorkWife (my bestest buddy at work now) on driving people to their cars at 5. We get rides from the mother and daughter, and we give them rides since we’re all on alternating weeks. Luckily WorkWife always leaves at 5, so it’ll be easier for her to give rides. We’ll work it out.

The girl. Let’s see. Sunday she called me (I was only home for a couple hours and was just getting comfy), and asked me to come over for the night. I hadn’t really heard from her all weekend since she went to Pride on Saturday. And I didn’t go. I kinda refused ’cause I was pissed at her for multiple reasons. She said she had a horrible time, got in trouble, is not speaking to her ex, and would explain later. And more or less begged me to come over. Was all, "please, will you come over and stay the night? We’ll talk, watch a movie, and I promise you’ll be up to go to work. Please." So of course I said yes. Long story short none of her friends really cared about her and she got way too drunk, wandered off, passed out and woke up in the hospital for heat exhausted/dehydration. Idiot. I’m disappointed in her for being so stupid, but really angry at her so called friends, and ex who supposed to still care about her, not only didn’t notice that she was way too drunk to even be allowed to keep drinking, but never noticed she was gone. She claims she told everyone she was going to look for another friend at a different bar, no one wanted to go with her, so she left. And then passed out. No one bothered to text her, call her, or really even seemed to notice that it was like 4 hours later that she showed up again. Really? Fuckers.

Anyway, so I stayed the night. It was fucking hot. No A/C, and a twin bed. Didn’t sleep at all. And not because we were having sex either. Just way too hot to sleep. Worked, blah blah blah. We made plans on Monday that I’d get her Wednesday once her shift was over and we’d go watch fireworks. Well Tuesday she texts me.

Her: Ya know if you want to you can come get me tonight in then I just work from your house tomorrow too lol
Me: Do you miss me or something? lol I’ll ask Mom, I know we have some things to do tomorrow.
Her: Lol guilty conscious of an improper goodbye kiss yep lol n yea a wee bit just a bit n damn it woman get clothes on n come over… by the time here will be off n so tomorrow when I get off at 5 get ready to head to the fireworks

I went and got her. So we spent Sunday night, Tuesday nighty, Wednesday, and Thursday night together. Her father picked her up Friday while I was at work. Now, here’s where I need advice. We haven’t had sex since that first drunken night. And we never even kissed this whole week. Even if she did say I was owed one. Thursday at work I texted her telling her that I was trying to be good and let her take the lead, but that I was dying to kiss her. I got back a sorry… yeah. And then she said she was sick with a migraine so I dropped it. Friday when I left, she gave me a hug (a nice long one), but no kiss. Now mind you we’ve shared a bed this whole time, with lots of cuddling. She keeps talking about a future. Like, "ya know if we ever live together you’re going to have to not have the closet like this." And, "when you meet my dad… well (the ex) only met my father twice the whole time we were together but, when you meet him." Or, "in a couple weeks how about I give you gas money so we can drive out to see my dad". Plus she kept stating that she was done and totally over with the ex. Not only to me but with friends as well. She would tell me who she was talking to, who they were, what the conversation was about. She said, "love ya talk to you later" to someone and quickly told me, "I always tell my friends I love them, but it’s just a friendly love thing."

I’m so lost. So I texted her once I got to work and asked about the no kissing thing. She said that she’s just confused with what she’s doing in life. And I told her well okay, if you need me to answer any questions or whatever let me know. She said no it’s not about that, she just doesn’t know what she’s doing with her life, and such. I told her okay, that I’m not trying to pressure her or anything, that I like being around her in whatever way, and either way I’m an open book with her.

She posted on my wall, well replied to a post my mother made. Let me see if I can copy it.

My Mommy (and yes her typing skills are lacking and I hate it):
HI Daughter dont get to see you that often. Maybe this is the way to go,have to chat with you this way ,lol
love you
The girl: LMAO you are too funny Ma! I am jealous lol…I WISH I was able to see my mom as much as you and Jenn spend together…that rocks…miss u guys…yeaaaa I got a buzz and it is weeee morning but droppin’ by and see soon I am sure…hago! (have a good one)

So I don’t know what to do. There’s a few things about her that bother me if we would be in a relationship with. I think she drinks too much, and parties too much. But on the flip side I know I could live a little more than I do now. Maybe we’d balance each other out. I’d make her more responsible, she’d make me live a little. I don’t know.

I’m taking the confusion thing, as this. She was in a relationship it ended kinda badly. The ex was immature, and hurt her pretty badly. She’s afraid to be involved with anyone, she told me when she does fall she falls hard. Add that to her trying to figure her own life out, getting a degree, a better job, a car, and all that. I think maybe she doesn’t want to get involved, with anyone (she’s stated this), until she gets herself in a more better place financially and emotionally. However, she’s falling for me (sometimes you can just tell, the things she’ll say about the future, or the way she holds me), and is totally afraid. Maybe she’s worried that if we do start sleeping together she’ll fall even quicker, and/or won’t be ableto separate the sex from emotions?

What do I do? Just let her take the lead? I’ve been. And I keep getting conflicting answers. Last I knew we were "fuck buddies", but fuck buddies actually fuck. I don’t think they spend pretty much the week together just cuddling and spending time together. That’s more dating but taking it slow. I don’t know what to do.

But this entry is more than long enough, and I have shit to get done.