10/30/2011

I’m feeling oddly exhausted. I slept decently last night, dreamed of course, but that’s so normal that I’ve gotten used to it. I had my normal quota of coffee, even took a nice hot shower. Strange. I’m not normally tired at this hour of the day. Maybe it’s because I’ve been restless lately. Adjusting to Mom being home all the time, not having time to myself. Constantly biting my tongue to not snap at her. Being the voice of reason. It gets exhausting after a while. I really want to just get out and do something, but the only thing Mom wants to do is go on the gambling boat, and I can’t see how that’s a good idea. It’s not a good idea. Very bad idea. But it’s all she wants to do. And it drives me bat shit crazy.

Slow simmering anger, mixed with a growing restless-ness is signaling that within a few days I’ll probably be manic. Always happens this time of the year. Then again this is the same time last year, the first of November was my first pdoc appointment. Knowing I’m in the pre-stages I have enough sense to not go gambling. It’s always been one of my compulsions, that and the urge to go out to a club and party.

At least I’ll have the drive to get working on this years NaNo. I’m going to force myself to actually get to 50k this time. I have more planning done than I have ever before. Nearly 80 index cards with printed labels stuck on designating scenes to be written. Just follow the cards.

Ugh. If it wasn’t a Sunday I’d probably suggest going to like Walmart or something, just to get out of the house. But I won’t be able to handle the crowds. I can barely handle them on a good day when my brain is level. Crowds suck. Mom hates the movies, so that’s out. Don’t feel up to driving all the way to Tampa to go to the zoo or anything like that. We could go to the docks and wander around a bit. Don’t feel like that either. I don’t know what I feel like doing.

I did get the treat bags ready for tomorrow night though. 40 should be good enough. There can’t be more than that many kids in here can there? Eh, anyone who comes after is probably older and shouldn’t be getting free candy anyway. I’m turning into an old person, most of my day consists of cursing the kids outside. I mean it’s nice that they play together, nicely too, and are outside, but can’t they play somewhere else? Damn kids.

Gurp. I kind of want to just break things.